Today in Frivolous Lawsuit Theater: Convicted Portland pimp Sirgiorgio Sanford Clardy is serving a 100-year prison sentence for, in part, stomping a john with his Air Jordans. Now Clardy's suing Nike for not labeling their sneakers as weapons.
Clardy sounds like a peach. He was convicted for beating a woman and forcing her into prostitution, as well as assaulting a client who tried to leave without paying. He had to be restrained at his trial—occasionally with a hood over his head—after repeatedly disrupting proceedings. One of Clardy's crimes was second-degree assault with a dangerous weapon, for stomping the man so badly he needed plastic surgery.
The use of a weapon means a longer prison sentence. So, the lawsuit.
"Under product liability there is a certain standard of care that is required to be up-held by potentially dangerous product ..." wrote Clardy, who is representing himself. "Do (sic) to the fact that these defendants named in this Tort claim failed to warn of risk or to provide an adequate warning or instruction it has caused personal injury in the likes of mental suffering."
He asks a Multnomah County judge to order Nike to affix warning labels to all their "potentially dangerous Nike and Jordan merchandise."
The suit will undoubtedly be tossed and Clardy will spend decades in jail, proving that the justice system works on occasion.