As we all know, summer doesn’t officially start until a bear gets in the pool. Thanks to this pool noodle enthusiast in California, we can finally ditch our sneakers for flip flops, unbutton that top shirt button, and find a patio to drink on.
Sorry, man, you’re gonna have to wait to take a bath, because this extremely good bear is getting his soak on. How long is he gonna be? Quite frankly, that’s none of your fucking business.
Above is a local news story about some rude bears barging into people’s homes to look for post-hibernation snacks. There are good bears in the clip, but none better than this one right here:
I’m about to show you a video that is only seven seconds long, and yet you will see so much. You will see a beautiful forest landscape, a bear, and the inside of a man’s soul.
We all got shit going on, you know? Too much shit, if you ask me. I was on vacation last week, and I’ve spent most of this week sighing and thinking, “Whaaaaat is it with all this shit I got going on???”
Sorry, I can’t hang out this weekend. I’m going to Yellowstone to get some R&R at this very cool spa for bears.
Here’s a bear you know!
Guys, relax. It’s just a balloo—
Yesterday, I almost got Mad Online, and that’s just about the worst thing a person can be. Thankfully, someone sent me this very zen 360-degree video of bears hunting fish, and it helped me remain Mad Offline.
Here we have some Russian clowns, seemingly in the midst of a deforestation campaign, happening upon a brown bear. They give the bear a snack, which they surely believe makes them pals. Guess again, clowns:
Pals, we’ve got two great baby polar bears here.
Look at this shit.
Henry, a cool polar bear who lives in Australia, was put in a pen with some blank pieces of paper and non-toxic paint. Okay, Henry, let’s see what’s locked away in that artistic heart of yours:
We’re usually not so keen on people trying to get real cuddly with a bear, because wild bears are dangerous as hell. But here we have big bear buddy who was born in captivity, and seems totally down to snuggle:
You know that video that’s been going around the internet this week, the one with the doctors calming all those babies? The video makes me feel like one of those babies.
What the hell is this shit?
Here’s a bear who thought it would be cool to swing by the local high school and connect with the youth. Well, you fucked up, bear, because class starts at 7:30, and you missed the bell. See you in detention.
This bear has figured out a few important truths about his life. The first thing he’s learned is that if he sits on his big cool rock like a person, people will throw food at him. This is because people love nothing more than an bear exhibiting humanoid qualities.
Here we have an encounter between a kayaker and a bear. It is an encounter that quickly devolves from tense to hysterical, which is what happens when those who may take the harsh realities of nature for granted are confronted by those who do not.
Tom’s on an airplane, but if he were here he’d note that this baby bear struggling with a hammock is different than last week’s baby bears struggling with a hammock, but it’s not weird that there’s two because bears know exactly how to kick back for the start of the weekend.