The Deadspin Awards are in July, and we need our readers to decide the winners of these prestigious honors. Today, we ask you to help us determine the answer to an important question: Who is the best bear of them all?
As we all know, summer doesn’t officially start until a bear gets in the pool. Thanks to this pool noodle enthusiast in California, we can finally ditch our sneakers for flip flops, unbutton that top shirt button, and find a patio to drink on.
Sorry, man, you’re gonna have to wait to take a bath, because this extremely good bear is getting his soak on. How long is he gonna be? Quite frankly, that’s none of your fucking business.
Above is a local news story about some rude bears barging into people’s homes to look for post-hibernation snacks. There are good bears in the clip, but none better than this one right here:
I’m about to show you a video that is only seven seconds long, and yet you will see so much. You will see a beautiful forest landscape, a bear, and the inside of a man’s soul.
What’s your process for making a really tough decision? Do you flip a coin? Consult the wisdom of your parents? Maybe you make a spreadsheet. Chase Ferris of Palmer, Alaska had to decide between playing college football for the University of Mary or attending the University of Wyoming. So he went on a bear hunt and…
We all got shit going on, you know? Too much shit, if you ask me. I was on vacation last week, and I’ve spent most of this week sighing and thinking, “Whaaaaat is it with all this shit I got going on???”
Sorry, I can’t hang out this weekend. I’m going to Yellowstone to get some R&R at this very cool spa for bears.
Here’s a bear you know!
Guys, relax. It’s just a balloo—
Yesterday, I almost got Mad Online, and that’s just about the worst thing a person can be. Thankfully, someone sent me this very zen 360-degree video of bears hunting fish, and it helped me remain Mad Offline.
Here we have some Russian clowns, seemingly in the midst of a deforestation campaign, happening upon a brown bear. They give the bear a snack, which they surely believe makes them pals. Guess again, clowns:
Pals, we’ve got two great baby polar bears here.
Look at this shit.
Henry, a cool polar bear who lives in Australia, was put in a pen with some blank pieces of paper and non-toxic paint. Okay, Henry, let’s see what’s locked away in that artistic heart of yours:
Do you love the snow? Not as much as Tian Tian here you don’t.
We’re usually not so keen on people trying to get real cuddly with a bear, because wild bears are dangerous as hell. But here we have big bear buddy who was born in captivity, and seems totally down to snuggle:
The Cleveland Cavaliers finally figured out that Timofey Mozgov is one of the finest commercial actors in Cleveland, and decided to use his immense talent for their own purposes. So here he is riding a bear.
Over the course of the last week or so, you may have noticed some version of this puzzle popping up in one of your social media feeds: