ESPN's Sports Business Reporter Doesn't Understand Sports Or Business

We enjoy making fun of ESPN sports business reporter Darren Rovell, and do so a lot around these parts, because he is a brandbot and a doofus. For the most part, he's harmless, doing nothing worse than publicly embarrassing himself in novel and hilarious ways. » 3/23/15 7:15pm 3/23/15 7:15pm

Even The Chicago Cubs Are Owning Darren Rovell

You would think that after a career full of attempts at being clever on Twitter backfiring, living BrandBot Darren Rovell would give up the bantering aspect of the platform and stick to reporting on whichever 8,000 calorie food abomination is being introduced in a minor league ballpark near you. But Rovell is… » 3/18/15 8:18pm 3/18/15 8:18pm

Darren Rovell Has Chosen His Hill To Die On

» 3/15/15 2:00pm 3/15/15 2:00pm

Man Hits On Tinder Matches With Darren Rovell's Tweets

Take note: If you're struggling with wooing matches on Tinder, just use Darren Rovell's tweets as icebreakers. Though ESPN's corpobot isn't human, his beeps and boops actually succeeded in generating conversation. » 12/11/14 12:49pm 12/11/14 12:49pm

Darren Rovell Bravely Defends The Brands From Richard Sherman

Yesterday, Seattle Seahawks corner/provocateur Richard Sherman used a mandated media availability (and a life-sized cardboard cutout of Doug Baldwin) to mock the NFL for fining Marshawn Lynch $100,000 for refusing to talk to reporters two weeks ago, for blatant hypocrisy, and for expecting its athletes to behave like… » 11/26/14 12:36pm 11/26/14 12:36pm

Darren Rovell Is Bad At Beer, Too

ESPN business reporter, kale enthusiast (see above), and staff snitch Darren Rovell likes to tweet about beer sometimes. I don't know if he gets paid for these tweets (I bet he gets paid for these tweets), but regardless, he recently declared Cigar City of Tampa, Fla., to be America's finest brewery. This is not a… » 10/27/14 1:57pm 10/27/14 1:57pm

Darren Rovell Is A Damned Snitch

Here's ESPN's Darren Rovell's take on the adorable, potentially post-coital selfie of Notre Dame receiver Justin Brent with famed adult actress Lisa Ann: » 10/24/14 1:42pm 10/24/14 1:42pm

Darren Rovell Can't Tell A Two From A Five

Darren Rovell is a petty dickhead. Because people make so many jokes about how he is a money-grubbing, soulless, post-human shill for rich old men and corporations, his sheer petty dickheadedness can go underappreciated, but it's really what defines him, which is why the very best Rovell stories involve him not only… » 9/18/14 6:00pm 9/18/14 6:00pm

Here's Darren Rovell Munching On Kale

The Popeye of #brandawareness did a segment for ABC's Nightline on the "economy of kale" last night. Part of it included that bit up there of a munching, bovine Rovell. After he swallowed the hot new vegetable on the streets, Rovell wondered: "It doesn't taste the greatest, the texture isn't the greatest, but is that… » 8/05/14 9:57pm 8/05/14 9:57pm

ESPN's Darren Rovell Now Just Straight-Out Rewriting Press Releases

Everyone gets what posthuman ESPN sports business reporter Darren Rovell is all about by now. He passes on useless trivia, acts like a cock on Twitter, reminds us that the world is a dark, sad, and terrifying place, and serves as a pure conduit for any business looking to pass on a brand message to ESPN readers. You… » 5/28/14 3:41pm 5/28/14 3:41pm

Why Is ESPN Letting Darren Rovell Turn Ad Campaigns Into Articles?

Here is a headline from a recent Darren Rovell article (?) that appeared on earlier this week: "Deal forbids Brees from motorcycle." » 5/21/14 5:34pm 5/21/14 5:34pm

ESPN's Darren Rovell Is A Humorless Robot, Part 3,792

ESPN sports business reporter Darren Rovell is best known for being a sensitive penis who lacks a human brain and will believe literally anything. This morning, he once again did his part to solidify that reputation. » 5/15/14 1:40pm 5/15/14 1:40pm

These Emails Confirm That ESPN's Darren Rovell Is A Sensitive Penis

Remember when ESPN business reporter and post-human Darren Rovell narced out a guy on Twitter for cracking a joke at his expense? At the time, a lot of people figured Rovell was just blustering. Surely, they thought, he's not so big a baby that he'd tattle on someone just for busting on him on the internet. Thanks to… » 5/05/14 4:59pm 5/05/14 4:59pm

Darren Rovell's Proposed NFL Is A Hellscape Of In-Game Shilling

The future of football is a hash of overheard corporate gibberish, and of course it's Darren Rovell who conceived it for us. » 1/16/14 12:54am 1/16/14 12:54am