How Vincenzo Nibali Attacked A Quaint And Sinister Tour De France

In a Tour De France marred by crashes, hostile weather, and high-profile abandonments, Vincenzo Nibali never fell off his bike. Most riders tend to hit the deck at least once, given the distance and variability involved. The Tour spanned 3,653 kilometers across four countries and dozens of different riding surfaces… » 7/29/14 5:23pm Yesterday 5:23pm

18 Overrated Beers

I take very seriously my role as the Lone Listicler, keeping my own counsel and avoiding the corrupting influences of scuttlebutt and daylight to provide the Beer Internet with its only fair and accurate source of rankings, slander, and bullshit. But I was nervous about this compilation of overrated beers, so I broke… » 7/28/14 9:46am Monday 9:46am

Crowd-Funded Brewery Campaigns Are Bullshit

Crowd-funding is a great hustle. Remember a couple weeks ago when some dude threatened not to make potato salad unless we bought him a solid-gold pony with diamonds for eyes, and we actually went for it? Of course, many professional bloviators saw this as the exact moment when society’s collective handbasket… » 7/23/14 10:52am 7/23/14 10:52am

The Top 200 Ways Bleacher Report Screwed Me Over

A month before I turned 21, I returned home from the Bay Area, where I was attending college, to celebrate Thanksgiving with my family in Minnesota. On a Tuesday evening, I was sitting in the living room, about to head upstairs to go to bed, when my phone buzzed with a text from Dave Finocchio, founder and general… » 7/22/14 2:53pm 7/22/14 2:53pm

Fast-Food Fight: Subway's Pulled Pork Vs. Wendy's Pretzel Bacon Burger

There are three main founts of greasy innovation whence spring the majority of new fast-food items. The bulk originate in the wide and shallow Same Shit, Different Condiments pool; they are joined by more ambitious offerings from the genres of Cynical Stunt Food and Honest-to-Ronald Attempts to Introduce Nice New… » 7/18/14 2:54pm 7/18/14 2:54pm

This Year, Everyone At The Tour De France Is Crashing Out

The opening stage of this year's Tour de France was a blatant attempt to get Mark Cavendish his first yellow jersey. Organizers kicked off the race with a pancake-flat run into Harrogate, UK, where Cavendish's mother is from. It's probably the only time the peloton's most accomplished sprinter will race in a Grand… » 7/18/14 1:57pm 7/18/14 1:57pm

The Tour De France Is Agony For The Spectators, Too

Whenever I hear hardcore cycling fans explain the Tour de France to novices, they seem to emphasize one aspect of the race—the suffering—above the rest. Sure, they talk about the sprints and the hills and the strategy, and explain how the cobbles of northern France, when wet, make the road as slippery as a skating… » 7/17/14 4:01pm 7/17/14 4:01pm

Donald Cerrone And John Lineker Are What's Right With Fighting

I love body shots. There is a horrible, wonderful noise generated when a professional athlete hits another professional athlete in the torso, a thudding slap of skeleton and meat. It sounds like a Foley artist's garish exaggeration of what you think a body shot should sound like. I love this sound. » 7/17/14 3:23pm 7/17/14 3:23pm

Hacking Still Sucks: On Watch Dogs And Next-Gen-Console Malaise

The promise of Watch Dogs was simple, and explained much of the anticipation leading up to the wantonly hyped prestige video game's May release: Finally—finally! (finally?)—someone was going to make hacking cool. In this case, it was the developer Ubisoft, whose ambition to make coding as engrossing as urban… » 7/17/14 12:50pm 7/17/14 12:50pm

Why I Love So You Think You Can Dance, Dopey (Or Dead) Dads And All

Less than 10 minutes into the first episode of the 11th season of Fox's So You Think You Can Dance, a contestant's dad was onstage dancing to "Blurred Lines." To begin, he set a water bottle on the floor before him, and then, as though initiating an ancient mating ritual, he approached and hovered above that artifact… » 7/16/14 2:17pm 7/16/14 2:17pm

Big, Dumb, Unsexy: Sex Tape, Reviewed

Sex Tape is such a dumb movie that it's hard to know where to start. So let's try this: Its premise is total nonsense. Married-with-kids couple Jay (Jason Segel) and Annie (Cameron Diaz) decide to spice up their inert love life by filming themselves with Jay's iPad doing every position mentioned in The Joy of Sex.… » 7/16/14 1:48pm 7/16/14 1:48pm

LeBron's Team Requested Extra Police At His Home For Announcement

Remember all the way back to yesterday, when police cars were spotted outside LeBron James's home, leading to all sorts of frenzied speculation? As it turns, the presence of those officers actually wasn't a coincidence—his team requested extra off-duty officers for the Bath, Ohio spread specifically for Thursday and… » 7/11/14 5:21pm 7/11/14 5:21pm

From Slacker to Boyhood: Ranking Richard Linklater's Movies

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Today, Richard Linklater's acclaimed Boyhood (which we love) opens in select cities. (It'll be expanding next week and be practically everywhere by mid-August.) To celebrate, we decided to rank all 16 of the man's commercial features, and what we hope you'll notice is that over a 23-year career, he's had one hell of a… » 7/11/14 2:25pm 7/11/14 2:25pm

How Did Metallica Ever Survive Some Kind Of Monster?

Like a lot of boys growing up in the early 1990s, I was fascinated by the hard-rock band Metallica. What drew me was no mystery. They were dark and powerful and commanded the respect of millions. I was nine and lived in fear of having to undress for swim PE. The gap between us was impossible. For years, I didn't even… » 7/11/14 10:52am 7/11/14 10:52am

Your Guide To Evo 2014, The Year's Biggest Fighting Game Tournament

We're coming up on Evo, the biggest fighting game tournament in America. It will run Friday to Sunday from Las Vegas and be streamed online for the world to see. It'll be the biggest Evo yet. But maybe you aren't prepared—there are eight completely different games at this one event, after all, and what makes them… » 7/10/14 5:41pm 7/10/14 5:41pm

Prince Fielder's Naked ESPN Cover Is Sexy As Hell

One of the most beloved tropes in sports lore is the Triumph of the Unexpected Body. When I think about those stories, I think about cheering on Muggsy Bogues from my friend's living room when I was eight or nine. I knew nothing about basketball, but seeing that small man dart around the court alongside NBA giants… » 7/10/14 4:46pm 7/10/14 4:46pm