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Cristiano Ronaldo Should Probably Stop Hitting People

Hey, Cristiano, how’s it going? Good? That’s good to hear. I didn’t want anything, just checking in. Saw yesterday’s game. Kind of a bummer, drawing like that against Real Betis. Yeah, they should’ve given you a penalty, I agree. While on the topic of the game though, what happened with you and Francisco Molinero?…

Nolito Is Probably Going To Barcelona, And That's A Shame

On one level, it’s hard not to be happy for Nolito, who is probably packing his bags right now, giddy with anticipation about sending crosses Luis Suárez’s way and running onto through balls from Lionel Messi, as reports have him very close to a transfer to Barcelona. Here is a guy who was never marked for stardom…

FIFA Hit Real Madrid And Atlético With Two-Window Transfer Sanctions

Sepp Blatter warned everyone that this was coming, but it’s still a shocker seeing it: Real Madrid and Atlético have both been found in violation of FIFA rules regarding the signing of players under the age of 18 and punished with a prohibition on registering any new players for two transfer windows, starting this…

Rafa Benitez Couldn't Make Real Madrid What They Want To Be, So Now He's No More

It’s a pity that the wildly entertaining, back-and-forth, wide open 2-2 draw between Real Madrid and Valencia this weekend will be remembered more as Rafa Benítez’s Waterloo than as the thrilling spectacle it was in its own right. Real dominated the match for large stretches and, with a couple favorable refereeing…

Best-Named Soccer Player In The World Scores A Game-Winner For Atlético Madrid

This is Thomas Partey, aka Party Tom, aka Tomás de la Fiesta. He’s a 22-year-old Ghanaian holding midfielder for Atlético Madrid who’s seen a lot of playing time lately since Tiago Mendes broke his leg in November. He also has the best name in La Liga and probably the world, unless you’re more partial to Isaac Success.

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How On Earth Did Neymar Pull Off This Spinning Backheel Assist?

Technically this little flick didn’t quite come off the way Neymar intended, but he definitely meant for that ridiculous touch to redirect into Luis Suárez’s path, and holy shit, can you imagine having such otherworldly talent that even when your unbelievably audacious moves don’t work exactly right, they still end up…

So It Looks Like Rafa Benítez Is About To Get Fired Here Pretty Soon

Things are not going well for Real Madrid right now. Fresh off their humiliation at the hands of Barcelona last month, their humiliation at their own hands in the Copa del Rey a couple weeks ago, and their failure to keep pace with their two biggest rivals in the league by dropping points this past weekend, all signs…