Lionel Messi And Cristiano Ronaldo Find Their Final Forms

For a depressingly large group of actuarial soccer fans, this season's thrilling edition of the duel between temporally and cosmically entwined superstars Cristiano Ronaldo and Lionel Messi has mainly served as another set of cudgels to club down the other's reputation and legacy. Go deeper, because if you're… » 3/19/15 2:39pm 3/19/15 2:39pm

Messi Scores 3 But Suárez Leads Barça To Top Of La Liga In 6-1 Win

This is precisely the kind of game Barcelona were hoping to get out of Luis Suárez when bringing him in this summer, and the kind he's been delivering regularly as of late. With his combination of confidence, unceasing work, deadly finishing, and selflessness, he was able to will an unimpressive Barça to a blowout… » 3/08/15 10:21am 3/08/15 10:21am

Luis Suárez Is Back And He's Coming To Devour The World

It feels a little weird saying this about a known shithead, but we can't help but appreciate how Luis Suárez's hard work on the pitch is finally resulting in the goals his play has deserved. But even in the face of criticism earlier in the season, as Suárez struggled to mesh perfectly with his new Barcelona teammates,… » 3/06/15 1:35pm 3/06/15 1:35pm

Yawn: Just Another Unbelievable Messi Pass For Neymar To Chip Home

Jeez, we get it guys, you three Barcelona forwards can score whenever you want. But how many times this season have we seen the ball go from Suárez to Messi to the Twilight Zone to Neymar and into the net? Maybe switch it up once or twice. You know, for our sake. » 3/04/15 2:34pm 3/04/15 2:34pm

Messi-To-Neymar Is As Beautiful As Soccer Gets

Lionel Messi has singlehandedly dominated Barcelona's La Liga match today against Elche, but even downtrodden supporters at Estadio Manuel Martínez Valero got their money's worth when Messi found Neymar on a truly sublime assist. It nearly left beIN analyst Ray Hudson at a loss for words. » 1/24/15 1:40pm 1/24/15 1:40pm

Cristiano Ronaldo, A Decent Soccer Player, Wins FIFA Player Of The Year

Today, Real Madrid's Cristiano Ronaldo was awarded the 2014 FIFA Ballon d'Or. It's the second year in a row he's been named FIFA's best player, and the third time in his career. The Portuguese winger beat out Argentina's Lionel Messi, German keeper Manuel Neuer, and a bunch of other guys who had no place in the… » 1/12/15 5:15pm 1/12/15 5:15pm

Barcelona Respond To Chaos With Best Win Of The Year

In the picture above, which captures a scene from Barcelona's 3-1 victory over Atlético Madrid last night, you can see Barcelona's entire season. It shows Luis Suárez, Neymar, and Lionel Messi—the three players whose individual brilliance has kept the team in the hunt for all the major trophies despite the turmoil » 1/12/15 3:08pm 1/12/15 3:08pm

Club Disaster Or Not, Neymar, Suárez, And Messi Will Still Fuck You Up

Sure, the world might be falling down around them right now, but put Lionel Messi, Neymar, and Luis Suárez on the pitch, and they're going to wreck shit regardless. The three forwards have all gotten on the score sheet as Barcelona lead Elche 3-0 in the Copa del Rey. Here's how it happened: » 1/08/15 5:15pm 1/08/15 5:15pm

Barcelona Are A Complete Disaster

Barcelona is burning. A glance at the horizon in the direction of Spain and you can see the flames licking the sky, centered on the city's biggest attraction, FC Barcelona's Camp Nou. The fire, which has been smoldering quietly for years now, has already caused considerable damage: the play on the field is curiously… » 1/08/15 11:15am 1/08/15 11:15am

Lionel Messi Shows Off Unreal First Touch On Japanese Game Show

Yeah, we've seen that left foot of Lionel Messi's cushion soccer balls flying at him from all different angles in game, but how about making him boot the ball about 60 feet into the air over a bar, sprint over to where it falls, and try to control it? Yep, still no problem. » 1/02/15 1:30pm 1/02/15 1:30pm

Both Of Lionel Messi's Feet Must Be Made Of Glue

Let's ignore the video of Lionel Messi's second goal today for a minute, and just stare at the picture above. That's the world's best left foot plucking a screaming ball out of the air as casually as a frog would an unexpecting fly, or Odell Beckham would a lobbed duck of a pass in pregame warm-ups. How does he make… » 12/20/14 12:15pm 12/20/14 12:15pm

Neymar + Suárez + Messi = Destruction

Having the world's fanciest dribbler weave past defenders and flick the ball out to the world's best all-around striker, who then chips a pass to the world's best player, who then pokes it past a defender, then past the keeper is a pretty foolproof strategy, it turns out. » 12/07/14 12:26pm 12/07/14 12:26pm

FIFA Announces Who Will Stand Next To Ronaldo When He Wins Ballon D'or

As inevitable as Cristiano Ronaldo's impending Ballon d'Or victory has been, this year's award campaign has been especially tedious. So we're happy that FIFA's announcement of the three finalists brings us one step closer to being done with the whole thing. » 12/01/14 1:19pm 12/01/14 1:19pm

Valencia Fans Drill Messi In Head After Barça Score Last-Second Winner

Lionel Messi earned a yellow card for complaining to the referee after angry Valencia fans cracked him in the head with a thrown object as Barcelona celebrated a late added-time Sergio Busquets goal that gave them a 1-0 road win. » 11/30/14 5:03pm 11/30/14 5:03pm

Watch Messi Break The All-Time La Liga Scoring Record

Lionel Messi became the top scorer in La Liga history with this 72nd minute goal against Sevilla, his second of the game. It was Messi's 252nd league goal, which topped Athletic Bilbao legend Telmo Zarra's 251, who did most of his damage in the 1940s. A few minutes later Messi got his hat trick, so the new record… » 11/22/14 4:01pm 11/22/14 4:01pm

Book: Ronaldo Refers To Messi As "Motherfucker" Behind His Back

According to Cristiano Ronaldo, the constant comparisons to and ranking of him and Lionel Messi are slightly annoying but ultimately disregardable facts of life. According to a new book, though, Ronaldo takes the rivalry much more seriously and has a whole behind-the-scenes protocol for how he and his teammates deal… » 11/11/14 1:55pm 11/11/14 1:55pm

Here Are All 71 Of Lionel Messi's Champions League Goals

Stop us if this sounds familiar: Lionel Messi played soccer the other day, dragging Barcelona to victory with two crucial goals and winning him yet another goalscoring record, this time as the Champions League's joint all-time scorer. The video above shows each one of his 71 goals, from the first one against… » 11/07/14 4:07pm 11/07/14 4:07pm

Today, El Clásico Is The Only Thing That Matters

For as world-stoppingly important as it feels every time Real Madrid and Barcelona take the pitch against one another, we've actually become a bit inured to them over the years. If it seems like there are about eight El Clásicos every season nowadays, it's because there pretty much are: in the past four years, the two… » 10/25/14 10:42am 10/25/14 10:42am

Lionel Messi Almost Scoring Is More Impressive Than Most Actual Goals

A player broadly similar to Lionel Messi might've been what Johan Cruyff imagined Barcelona would produce after implementing his philosophy, but not even the Dutchman could've foreseen this Argentine's specific genius. I mean, try to prevent your jaw from dropping when he merely gets close to scoring: » 10/18/14 4:20pm 10/18/14 4:20pm

Cruyff's Turn: How Barcelona's Greatest Icon Created Its Greatest Player

As you've probably heard by now, this week marks the 10-year anniversary of Lionel Messi's first official appearance with the Barcelona first team. The soccer world has come together to celebrate this feat, remarkable for all the obvious reasons—the goals, the passes, the dribbles, the trophies—and for the more… » 10/17/14 12:54pm 10/17/14 12:54pm