Barcelona Are Europe's Best Team; Now They Just Have To Make It Official

If the European Cup is worth its weight in silver and prestige, Barcelona should win it this year. That is to say, if the major competitions in this sport are designed to throw the best clubs in Europe into the most demanding possible gauntlet and, in the end, reward the one that’s proved its superiority, then a year… » 5/07/15 4:11pm 5/07/15 4:11pm

Lionel Messi Murders Bayern Munich

In what has been one of the greatest, most competitive games you’ll ever see, Lionel Messi reminded the world why he’s the greatest player to ever play the game. Barcelona came out dominating but couldn’t finish any of their numerous chances in a wide open first half, thanks mainly to a Herculean performance by Manuel… » 5/06/15 4:38pm 5/06/15 4:38pm

Barcelona Are Unreal Right Now

Sweet mother of God, Barcelona are a force of nature. It’s currently about an hour into their match against Getafe. Lionel Messi, Luis Suárez, and Neymar have all scored. And those goals make up just five of their six total, each scored with some of the most outrageous skill you’ll see this year or any other. » 4/28/15 3:20pm 4/28/15 3:20pm

Lionel Messi And Cristiano Ronaldo Find Their Final Forms

For a depressingly large group of actuarial soccer fans, this season's thrilling edition of the duel between temporally and cosmically entwined superstars Cristiano Ronaldo and Lionel Messi has mainly served as another set of cudgels to club down the other's reputation and legacy. Go deeper, because if you're… » 3/19/15 2:39pm 3/19/15 2:39pm

Messi Scores 3 But Suárez Leads Barça To Top Of La Liga In 6-1 Win

This is precisely the kind of game Barcelona were hoping to get out of Luis Suárez when bringing him in this summer, and the kind he's been delivering regularly as of late. With his combination of confidence, unceasing work, deadly finishing, and selflessness, he was able to will an unimpressive Barça to a blowout… » 3/08/15 10:23am 3/08/15 10:23am

Luis Suárez Is Back And He's Coming To Devour The World

It feels a little weird saying this about a known shithead, but we can't help but appreciate how Luis Suárez's hard work on the pitch is finally resulting in the goals his play has deserved. But even in the face of criticism earlier in the season, as Suárez struggled to mesh perfectly with his new Barcelona teammates,… » 3/06/15 1:37pm 3/06/15 1:37pm

Cristiano Ronaldo, A Decent Soccer Player, Wins FIFA Player Of The Year

Today, Real Madrid's Cristiano Ronaldo was awarded the 2014 FIFA Ballon d'Or. It's the second year in a row he's been named FIFA's best player, and the third time in his career. The Portuguese winger beat out Argentina's Lionel Messi, German keeper Manuel Neuer, and a bunch of other guys who had no place in the… » 1/12/15 5:15pm 1/12/15 5:15pm

Barcelona Respond To Chaos With Best Win Of The Year

In the picture above, which captures a scene from Barcelona's 3-1 victory over Atlético Madrid last night, you can see Barcelona's entire season. It shows Luis Suárez, Neymar, and Lionel Messi—the three players whose individual brilliance has kept the team in the hunt for all the major trophies despite the turmoil » 1/12/15 3:13pm 1/12/15 3:13pm

Club Disaster Or Not, Neymar, Suárez, And Messi Will Still Fuck You Up

Sure, the world might be falling down around them right now, but put Lionel Messi, Neymar, and Luis Suárez on the pitch, and they're going to wreck shit regardless. The three forwards have all gotten on the score sheet as Barcelona lead Elche 3-0 in the Copa del Rey. Here's how it happened: » 1/08/15 5:16pm 1/08/15 5:16pm

Barcelona Are A Complete Disaster

Barcelona is burning. A glance at the horizon in the direction of Spain and you can see the flames licking the sky, centered on the city's biggest attraction, FC Barcelona's Camp Nou. The fire, which has been smoldering quietly for years now, has already caused considerable damage: the play on the field is curiously… » 1/08/15 11:15am 1/08/15 11:15am

Both Of Lionel Messi's Feet Must Be Made Of Glue

Let's ignore the video of Lionel Messi's second goal today for a minute, and just stare at the picture above. That's the world's best left foot plucking a screaming ball out of the air as casually as a frog would an unexpecting fly, or Odell Beckham would a lobbed duck of a pass in pregame warm-ups. How does he make… » 12/20/14 12:17pm 12/20/14 12:17pm