Cristiano Ronaldo Isn't The Greatest Player Alive, And That's Insane

Real Madrid’s Cristiano Ronaldo won Europe’s Golden Shoe yesterday, which recognizes the top scorer across the continent’s top leagues. It’s the fourth time he’s won the award, and it comes after last season, when he scored 48 goals in 35 La Liga games. No one else in the history of the award has won it four times.… »10/13/15 2:15pm10/13/15 2:15pm

Lionel Messi's PR Trip To Africa Did Not Go Well

Lionel Messi regularly makes a hash of maintaining good PR. There are his tax evasion issues and other alleged business improprieties, accusations that he’s a vindictive diva in the locker room, and everything that goes with his “failure” to win anything for Argentina. So it makes sense that his recent trip to Gabon,… »7/22/15 1:47pm7/22/15 1:47pm

Diego Maradona Can't Decide Whether To Defend Or Bash Lionel Messi

Lionel Messi failed to drag Argentina to the title in yet another major international tournament, giving his countrymen another shot to break out the bats and partake in what is now looking like the real Argentine national pastime: beating up on Messi’s reputation. As has been typical of the man’s hot-and-cold… »7/14/15 1:35pm7/14/15 1:35pm

Chilean Satire Mag Makes A Funny About Messi Getting Finger Up His Butt

“Get ready, Messi,” Chilean magazine The Clinical writes, riffing on Chile defender Gonzalo Jara’s recent finger-in-the-butthole move, as well as Lionel Messi’s oft-mentioned otherworldly abilities ahead of Saturday’s Chile-Argentina Copa América final. Pretty clever, you guys! »7/02/15 4:32pm7/02/15 4:32pm

Lionel Messi Turns Two Defenders Into Larry And Moe

Look at the image above. It appears to show two well-positioned Paraguayan defenders on the cusp of shepherding the ball away from Lionel Messi. Now, watch the video below, where Messi skips past one, nutmegs the other, and generally jukes them so hard that they crash into each other, left helpless on the grass as… »7/01/15 2:29pm7/01/15 2:29pm

Lionel Messi's Copa Del Rey Wondergoal, As Called Around The World

The undisputed highlight of the weekend is Lionel Messi’s brilliant goal to open the scoring against Athletic Bibao in Saturday’s Copa del Rey final. We brought you the play as called by ESPN Deportes; here’s a YouTube user who has collected 16 different worldwide commentaries to the play, perhaps the most memorable… »6/01/15 9:13am6/01/15 9:13am

Barcelona Are Europe's Best Team; Now They Just Have To Make It Official

If the European Cup is worth its weight in silver and prestige, Barcelona should win it this year. That is to say, if the major competitions in this sport are designed to throw the best clubs in Europe into the most demanding possible gauntlet and, in the end, reward the one that’s proved its superiority, then a year… »5/07/15 4:11pm5/07/15 4:11pm

Lionel Messi Murders Bayern Munich

In what has been one of the greatest, most competitive games you’ll ever see, Lionel Messi reminded the world why he’s the greatest player to ever play the game. Barcelona came out dominating but couldn’t finish any of their numerous chances in a wide open first half, thanks mainly to a Herculean performance by Manuel… »5/06/15 4:38pm5/06/15 4:38pm