Cristiano Ronaldo, A Decent Soccer Player, Wins FIFA Player Of The Year

Today, Real Madrid's Cristiano Ronaldo was awarded the 2014 FIFA Ballon d'Or. It's the second year in a row he's been named FIFA's best player, and the third time in his career. The Portuguese winger beat out Argentina's Lionel Messi, German keeper Manuel Neuer, and a bunch of other guys who had no place in the… » 1/12/15 5:15pm 1/12/15 5:15pm

Barcelona Respond To Chaos With Best Win Of The Year

In the picture above, which captures a scene from Barcelona's 3-1 victory over Atlético Madrid last night, you can see Barcelona's entire season. It shows Luis Suárez, Neymar, and Lionel Messi—the three players whose individual brilliance has kept the team in the hunt for all the major trophies despite the turmoil » 1/12/15 3:13pm 1/12/15 3:13pm

Club Disaster Or Not, Neymar, Suárez, And Messi Will Still Fuck You Up

Sure, the world might be falling down around them right now, but put Lionel Messi, Neymar, and Luis Suárez on the pitch, and they're going to wreck shit regardless. The three forwards have all gotten on the score sheet as Barcelona lead Elche 3-0 in the Copa del Rey. Here's how it happened: » 1/08/15 5:16pm 1/08/15 5:16pm

Barcelona Are A Complete Disaster

Barcelona is burning. A glance at the horizon in the direction of Spain and you can see the flames licking the sky, centered on the city's biggest attraction, FC Barcelona's Camp Nou. The fire, which has been smoldering quietly for years now, has already caused considerable damage: the play on the field is curiously… » 1/08/15 11:15am 1/08/15 11:15am

Both Of Lionel Messi's Feet Must Be Made Of Glue

Let's ignore the video of Lionel Messi's second goal today for a minute, and just stare at the picture above. That's the world's best left foot plucking a screaming ball out of the air as casually as a frog would an unexpecting fly, or Odell Beckham would a lobbed duck of a pass in pregame warm-ups. How does he make… » 12/20/14 12:17pm 12/20/14 12:17pm

Watch Messi Break The All-Time La Liga Scoring Record

Lionel Messi became the top scorer in La Liga history with this 72nd minute goal against Sevilla, his second of the game. It was Messi's 252nd league goal, which topped Athletic Bilbao legend Telmo Zarra's 251, who did most of his damage in the 1940s. A few minutes later Messi got his hat trick, so the new record… » 11/22/14 4:02pm 11/22/14 4:02pm

Book: Ronaldo Refers To Messi As "Motherfucker" Behind His Back

According to Cristiano Ronaldo, the constant comparisons to and ranking of him and Lionel Messi are slightly annoying but ultimately disregardable facts of life. According to a new book, though, Ronaldo takes the rivalry much more seriously and has a whole behind-the-scenes protocol for how he and his teammates deal… » 11/11/14 1:57pm 11/11/14 1:57pm

Here Are All 71 Of Lionel Messi's Champions League Goals

Stop us if this sounds familiar: Lionel Messi played soccer the other day, dragging Barcelona to victory with two crucial goals and winning him yet another goalscoring record, this time as the Champions League's joint all-time scorer. The video above shows each one of his 71 goals, from the first one against… » 11/07/14 4:10pm 11/07/14 4:10pm

Today, El Clásico Is The Only Thing That Matters

For as world-stoppingly important as it feels every time Real Madrid and Barcelona take the pitch against one another, we've actually become a bit inured to them over the years. If it seems like there are about eight El Clásicos every season nowadays, it's because there pretty much are: in the past four years, the two… » 10/25/14 10:43am 10/25/14 10:43am

Lionel Messi Almost Scoring Is More Impressive Than Most Actual Goals

A player broadly similar to Lionel Messi might've been what Johan Cruyff imagined Barcelona would produce after implementing his philosophy, but not even the Dutchman could've foreseen this Argentine's specific genius. I mean, try to prevent your jaw from dropping when he merely gets close to scoring: » 10/18/14 4:26pm 10/18/14 4:26pm

Cruyff's Turn: How Barcelona's Greatest Icon Created Its Greatest Player

As you've probably heard by now, this week marks the 10-year anniversary of Lionel Messi's first official appearance with the Barcelona first team. The soccer world has come together to celebrate this feat, remarkable for all the obvious reasons—the goals, the passes, the dribbles, the trophies—and for the more… » 10/17/14 12:54pm 10/17/14 12:54pm

Ain't No Liga Like The One I Got: Your 2014-15 La Liga Preview

Here we are. The La Liga season has just started up, and now we get to watch the league with the world's three best players, its two best teams, and the saddest hodgepodge of patsies since Enter the Dragon. In spite of these financial realities, Spain managed to produce Europe's wildest title race last season, as… » 8/25/14 4:12pm 8/25/14 4:12pm