Like all lovers of joy, crude humor, and outrageous behavior, our hearts leap at the prospect of hearing new Mario Balotelli stories. This one, about Balo’s urinary humor, does not disappoint.
Mario Balotelli made his first Serie A start for AC Milan yesterday, and despite a questionable haircut—did he go to former Milan teammate Stephan El Shaarawy’s hairdresser and ask for the Vegeta?—he opened his team’s scoring with this absolutely perfect free kick:
Here are three things that have happened to exiled Liverpool and Italian national team striker Mario Balotelli in the last day or so:
Liverpool have pretty obviously been trying to offload the mercurial and misfiring Mario Balotelli for months now. And while we haven’t yet seen the kind of public outbursts we’re used to when Balo has previously overstayed his welcome, the Independent has a rundown of previously unreported incidents that have…
Liverpool were hosting Turkish side Beşiktaş in the European Soccer NIT today, and it was scoreless until Liverpool young cock Jordon Ibe was tripped up in the box in the 85th minute. Penalty! Captain-for-the-day Jordan Henderson picked up the ball and walked to the spot, which is when hero and burgeoning…
Once—and not even that long ago, if you'd believe—it was widely thought that Mario Balotelli was a good or great soccer player who, if nothing else, could be relied on to score some goals, sometimes. Then he was sold to Liverpool in August, and since, he's spent the last six months proving everyone wrong. UNTIL TODAY.
The start of a soccer season, like the start of a school year, holds the promise of new adventures and fresh starts. Caught up in this spirit of growth and renewal, Mario Balotelli went to Instagram to drop some touching bits of wisdom on today's school children.
This may not be news to you, but Italian soccer star Mario Balotelli, who is the funnest, is back in England after being bought by Premier League side Liverpool from AC Milan. Since he'll ostensibly be sticking around for a little while, at least, he needs somewhere to live. This is the house he's rumored to have…
Oh my gosh!
Italy are playing Uruguay today in World Cup Group D's final matchday. The winner of of this game joins Costa Rica (!(?)) in the knockout stages, so as you'd imagine, it's a bit chippy. In the 23rd minute, Balotelli retreated into his own half to win a header, elevated, and jumped right over a Uruguayan player. He …
Mario Balotelli dug deep in his bag, pulled out his driver, and damn-near tore the cover off the ball to score from 40 yards or so in today's AC Milan vs. Bologna match. He might not be as visible on a shitty AC Milan squad, but he's still capable of jaw-dropping moments of brilliance like this.
White cleats are usually a conservative choice on the pitch, so it took seeing this close-up before noticing that, like most things in his life, these too are testament to Mario Balotelli's own awesomeness.
This is what getting dicked looks like.
According to an Italian mob informant, AC Milan striker Mario Balotelli once sold drugs to an addict "as a joke." Because that's a totally normal thing that happens all the time.
On Saturday, the A.C. Milan star was caught smoking a cigarette in the toilet of a train as he and his teammates were traveling for a match against ACF Fiorentina. You'd think Italy would be the one place left on the planet where it would be OK to smoke on a train, but you would be wrong.
Man City striker Mario Balotelli finally scored his first league goal this week against Wigan, and the wacky Clown Prince of the EPL decided to celebrate with a new tattoo. This alone wouldn't be noteworthy, except that the tattoo is on his chest and reads: