Mario Balotelli Does Selfish, Swaggy Thing, Wins Game For Liverpool

Liverpool were hosting Turkish side Beşiktaş in the European Soccer NIT today, and it was scoreless until Liverpool young cock Jordon Ibe was tripped up in the box in the 85th minute. Penalty! Captain-for-the-day Jordan Henderson picked up the ball and walked to the spot, which is when hero and burgeoning… » 2/19/15 6:05pm 2/19/15 6:05pm

Mario Balotelli Does Good Thing On Soccer Field

Once—and not even that long ago, if you'd believe—it was widely thought that Mario Balotelli was a good or great soccer player who, if nothing else, could be relied on to score some goals, sometimes. Then he was sold to Liverpool in August, and since, he's spent the last six months proving everyone wrong. UNTIL TODAY. » 2/10/15 5:12pm 2/10/15 5:12pm

Mario Balotelli Caught Sliding Into Some Teenage Girls' Instagram DMs

Most of the time, Mario Balotelli is really good at Instagram. Sometimes, though, he messes up. First, it was posting a dumb internet meme (that, to be fair, elicited an even dumber response by the braindead English FA). Now, we find him hitting on a couple 19-year-old Icelandic girls in their DMs. » 1/08/15 6:48pm 1/08/15 6:48pm

Mario Balotelli Does Helium Voice Trick, Still Has Spirit Of A Child

Is it too soon to delete that other post? Because Mario Balotelli's Instagram is all you need to know about soccer. » 9/26/14 4:34pm 9/26/14 4:34pm

Mario Balotelli Gives Important Words Of Advice To School Children

The start of a soccer season, like the start of a school year, holds the promise of new adventures and fresh starts. Caught up in this spirit of growth and renewal, Mario Balotelli went to Instagram to drop some touching bits of wisdom on today's school children. » 9/09/14 5:49pm 9/09/14 5:49pm

Mario Balotelli's Supposed New House Is Cool And Good

This may not be news to you, but Italian soccer star Mario Balotelli, who is the funnest, is back in England after being bought by Premier League side Liverpool from AC Milan. Since he'll ostensibly be sticking around for a little while, at least, he needs somewhere to live. This is the house he's rumored to have… » 9/04/14 11:16am 9/04/14 11:16am

Mario Balotelli Jumps Over A Guy, Knees Him In The Head In The Process

Italy are playing Uruguay today in World Cup Group D's final matchday. The winner of of this game joins Costa Rica (!(?)) in the knockout stages, so as you'd imagine, it's a bit chippy. In the 23rd minute, Balotelli retreated into his own half to win a header, elevated, and jumped right over a Uruguayan player. He … » 6/24/14 12:47pm 6/24/14 12:47pm

Mario Balotelli Kicks Ball Really Hard

Mario Balotelli dug deep in his bag, pulled out his driver, and damn-near tore the cover off the ball to score from 40 yards or so in today's AC Milan vs. Bologna match. He might not be as visible on a shitty AC Milan squad, but he's still capable of jaw-dropping moments of brilliance like this. » 2/14/14 5:20pm 2/14/14 5:20pm

Mario Balotelli Wears Thing

White cleats are usually a conservative choice on the pitch, so it took seeing this close-up before noticing that, like most things in his life, these too are testament to Mario Balotelli's own awesomeness. » 12/16/13 5:04pm 12/16/13 5:04pm

Mario Balotelli Denies Thing

According to an Italian mob informant, AC Milan striker Mario Balotelli once sold drugs to an addict "as a joke." Because that's a totally normal thing that happens all the time. » 5/31/13 10:59am 5/31/13 10:59am

Mario Balotelli Smokes Thing

On Saturday, the A.C. Milan star was caught smoking a cigarette in the toilet of a train as he and his teammates were traveling for a match against ACF Fiorentina. You'd think Italy would be the one place left on the planet where it would be OK to smoke on a train, but you would be wrong. » 4/07/13 2:45pm 4/07/13 2:45pm

Mario Balotelli Does Thing

Man City striker Mario Balotelli finally scored his first league goal this week against Wigan, and the wacky Clown Prince of the EPL decided to celebrate with a new tattoo. This alone wouldn't be noteworthy, except that the tattoo is on his chest and reads: » 11/30/12 9:59am 11/30/12 9:59am