Update: Nah, this isn't happening. I wrote a post based on a satire website, which is just about the dumbest way to fuck up. Sorry. Fuck me. Woulda been cool though. Original post below.
Like all good New Zealand national teams, these dudes started off their FIBA World Cup game against Team USA with a bitchin' haka dance. Haka dances are never not cool, and this one comes with the added bonus of the camera capturing a few American players looking on, befuddled and perhaps a bit terrified.
Remember, like, a week ago, when we were hearing all kinds of stories out of the Team USA basketball camp about how Derrick Rose was back, and people were sharing clips of him seemingly doing Derrick Rose things?
Team USA at the FIBA World Cup was already without LeBron James, Carmelo Anthony, Chris Paul, Kevin Love, Russell Westbrook, and Blake Griffin, and now it'll have to do without Kevin Durant, who just announced his withdrawal.
John Wall won't make Team USA this year. This is a shame, because John Wall is fun and it's fun to see John Wall surrounded by players who aren't Washington Wizards. It's a shame also because Colin Cowherd has another reason to run his mouth about John Wall.
Stephen Curry was putting on a nice little run of dunks before last night's Blue-White scrimmage, but then Kenneth Faried one-upped him with a between-the-legs dunk. Curry, who was watching from behind the three-point line, makes like he's gonna give it a whirl but thinks better of it, cooly draining a three instead.
Paul George suffered a horrifying leg injury during Team USA's Blue-White scrimmage last night that left the entire arena in silence and, his teammates specifically, in sympathetic anguish. Paul tweeted after the game and was in positive spirits, but it's impossible not feel for him, even more so as a fellow athlete…
In tonight's Blue-White scrimmage as Team USA preps for the FIBA World Cup, Paul George broke his lower right leg. Be warned, the image is gruesome.
T.J. Oshie is on Team USA for his shootout prowess. This is no secret. The behind-the-scenes looks at the roster selection make clear that the committee ranked him behind other forwards like Brandon Saad on pure skill, but put him on the team anyway because he's deadly when going one-on-one with a goalie. The wisdom…
Meghan Duggan puts the U.S. up 1-0 in the second period of today's gold medal game against Canada.
We now have the masks for all three of Team USA's Olympic goaltenders, after designer Ray Bishop posted photos of Jimmy Howard's on his company's Facebook page.
According to TMZ, USWNT soccer star Abby Wambach was wed to her longtime girlfriend, soccer player Sarah Huffman, this past weekend in Hawaii.
The United States Olympic basketball team, finding itself short on centers, wanted to add Indiana Pacers big man Roy Hibbert to its roster before the 2012 summer games. There was just one problem: Hibbert belonged to the Jamaican national team. On this week's excerpt from Slate's Hang Up and Listen podcast, Josh Levin…
WORCESTER, Mass.—None of the stars from the "Fierce Five," the highly meme-able gold medal team from the London Games, competed in Worcester for the American Cup last weekend. The American Cup is the only international gymnastics competition held in the U.S., but these girls are still on the final leg of London promo:…
Last Friday was the anniversary of the Miracle on Ice, the U.S.'s
win over a terrifying Russian side at the 1980 Olympics. It was noted, as it is every year, since it's the greatest moment in American hockey history, and marketable too—Mike Eruzione took the auspicious day to auction off all his Olympic gear.
Gold for the 2012 Dream Team proved to be a bit more elusive than expected, as foul trouble and a pesky Spanish team led to a 107-100 win, one locked up by a clever Chris Paul drive that led to coach Mike Krzyzewski leaping into the air as if he'd just purchased a Toyota. He's stepping down after today to allow…
That's how it works, right? Going into the third, Team USA is up one and looking vulnerable. If you can tear your eyes away long enough to yak, let's do so. Ooh, hard foul from Rudy Fernandez! Get that shit out of here.
Bill Simmons appears to be unimpressed by what he's seeing. Maybe he'll tweet about it! (He'll definitely tweet about it.)
Here's a photo of Ryan Lochte watching Team USA square off against Argentina (where the referees seem to have placed their chips on "untimely player death" and Team USA is dominating) with famous American rapper/star of 2 Fast 2 Furious Chris "Ludacris" Bridges. The other guy is apparently also a swimmer.
The final score—99-94—doesn't tell the whole story: Lithuania had a lead in the fourth quarter, and there were moments where it looked like just about everything that could go wrong for the US team would: atrocious free throw shooting, no rhythm from outside, easy scores for Lithuania's guards, and Coach K making that…