Carlos Quentin was handed an eight-game suspension after he charged the much, much tinier Zack Greinke last Thursday, sparking a bench-clearing brawl.

Sure, he looks like he should be at the center of an involved murder mystery on General Hospital, but Dr. Neal ElAttrache spent a good chunk of his Saturday operating on both Zack Greinke's collarbone and Kobe Bryant's achilles. Both surgeries were completed without incident, if you couldn't tell just by looking at…

MLB just announced the deal, and Ken Rosenthal and Jon Morosi are saying the Angels are sending shortstop Jean Segura and two minor leaguers to Milwaukee. Safe to say the Brewers have given up on 2012, and the AL West race is going to be completely insane.

From the Milwaukee Journal-Sentinel's Tom Haudricourt: "Zack Greinke will be first pitcher to start 3 consecutive games in same MLB season since White Sox's Red Faber in 1917 (Elias)." Greinke was tossed from a Saturday start after four pitches. So he came back on Sunday and started—poorly (three runs in three innings).…

On the off chance you thought a new day had dawned, here's some bad news: umpires are still assholes sometimes.

Your morning roundup for Oct. 9, the day we learned they won't keep you in the clink very long after threatening to cook your friend's mom. Got any stories or photos for us? Tip your editors.

Your morning roundup for August 14, the day the New York Times trend piece hit a new low..

Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and internets to bring you everything you need to know to start your day.

Seems as if a Philadelphia blogger started a Hot Stove frenzy last night by Tweeting that the Phillies and Royals worked out a deal for Zack Greinke while cyber-costumed as Sports Illustrated's Jon Heyman.