Deadspin readers, to go by my inbox, agree on very few things, but agree on them strongly. Dogs, the readers say, are good; each successive editor-in-chief has done more to ruin the site than the last; the St. Louis Cardinals can go to hell; and we should sell a “Go fuck yourself” shirt.

We agree on the first three points and have not only listened on the fourth, but can now introduce this holiday’s ideal present for you or anyone you know—a short-fingered pro-wrestling heel, for example.

You said you wanted to wear our inability to understand graciousness or money, so go do so. Just be aware that it came at a stiff price: