Y’all ready for this shit?
As fans come back, there’s only one thing we need to really galvanize the WWE Universe. The return of a former WWE Universal Champion. A man who co-main evented WrestleMania. A man whose signature move has been the centerpiece of many notable moments of his era. And a man who is one of the most popular professional wrestlers in the history of the artform.
Go ’head, guess. What’s that? No, it’s not Bray Wyatt. Nah, it’s not Brock Lesnar either, but that’s a much better guess. Huh? Whose that? Braun Stroman? Ohhh, you’re so close. Do you have one more? No? Okay. Get ready.
It’s ... motherfucking Goldberg, who turns fifty-fucking-five years old this coming December.
That’s right, Goldberg is expected to return, not only this summer, but in time for the WWE’s biggest event of the summer: SummerSlam. According to TalkSport, and others, Goldberg is in line to return on the July 19 edition of Monday Night Raw, the first in front of fans since COVID took over the country. The Raw also follows Sunday’s “Money In The Bank” pay-per-view. Bobby Lashley, the defending WWE Champion, may engage in a program with Goldberg for SummerSlam. At one point, it was anticipated he may instead share the ring with Lesnar.
Oh, and by the way, wrestling fans — who are already famously difficult to please — are pissed.
But here we are: Goldberg, who came back to the company right before turning 50, is here to save us all. He’s here to restore order and lead the WWE into the new, new future after becoming the oldest Universal Champion at 53 years and 62 days, winning the title 13 days before the World Health Organization declared COVID-19 a pandemic. Before there was Rudy Gobert touching microphones and contracting COVID, there was Goldberg, winning the title, and losing one month later at WrestleMania 36 to the aforementioned Stroman.
Who’s next, you ask? All of us. All of us are next.