A Blow-By-Blow Account Of The Vomiting Phillies Fan

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In our #tips section, we received a purported firsthand account from someone sitting in the same section as Matthew Clemens, the New Jersey man accused of throwing up on an 11-year-old girl. We reprint it here for your reading pleasure.

We make no claims as to the veracity of this account, and we apologize in advance for the freeform poetry/instant messaging style.


phillies game last night
great seats
16 rows from the dugout
sitting with sunny
my uncle and cousin a few rows ahead
uncle mike
so there are 2 rows of ROWDY fans
and i think they were really bothering this guy and his family
they all get booted
except one guy
this 300 LB probably mid 20s kid
hes sitting htere hammered
and talkign sh*t
i cant tell whats really going on
but apparently he either threatened or threw something at this mid 50s guys daughter
50s guy is a normal guy with ihs daughter and wife
and this kid is FAT i mean BIG
so he must have either spilled or said somehting and they are one row over so im watching out of the corner of my eye
this 50 year old guy gets up and whacks the fat kid in the face...kind of a push punch
not like a hard punch
kind of a "what the f*ck do you tihnk your doing" punch
and the big guy gets up and starts throwing HAYMAKERS
so i see this small guy get up and try to break it up...so i fire outa my seat and jump over 2 dudes and help the guy
just instinctively i mean your sitting with tons of kids in a nice section of the park you dont want to see a dad fighting some dude twice his size
so i get in between the big dude and the old dude and me and three guys throw this guy to the ground
in the middle of the aisle
everyone watching intently
and this dude is struggling to get up
and its taking me and 2 other dudes all we had to keep him down
hes on one knee, face in the seat, i got my hands on his shoulders and his left arm, this other guys got his hand on the back of his neck and the third guy is holding his right arm down
the old guy is fine now hes trying to talk to the kid
this other old guy
must be in his late 50s
fire fighter
he is the one holding this guy by the neck
so think of this guys right hand is on the back of his neck, kids face in the seat
kid makes a VIOLENT move to get up
almost knocks all of us back and starts flailing
old 50 year old firefighter dude with on hand on the kids neck, BURRIES him with a left to the eye
really kind of a sucker punch
i was like whoa dude easy thats uncessary
kid slumps down to one knee and crushes his head on the seat
we are yelling for security at this point
event staff is there and they are saying they cant touch the kid they hvae to wait for security
so we are holding him and the crowd is going NUTS
drunk fans in front of us SCREAMING a tthe top of their lungs"HEY YOU FAT IDIOT YOU CANT DRINK AND NOW YOU GOT KNOCKED OUT"
when the guy hit him the whole crowd colletively goes EWWWWWWWWWWW
then out of nowhere, fat kids head moves...s
wait for it
starts PROJECTILE vomitting all over the place
people are jumping out of there seats
the guy holding his right arm is COVERED in puke
i jump back and dont get hit
this kid is now laying in his own puke, bleeding, and the crowd gets worse
starts chanting "f*ggot"
then finaly security comes, the kid jumps up, puts up two middle fingers and screams "F*CK ALL YOU F*GGOTS!"
and gets SLAMMED again
his gf comes running down the stairs "dont hurt him!"
she gets brushed aside and security escorts him out
little kids were balling, parents were frightened, drunk kids were fired up

Now this is what the #iwasthere tag was made for.