A Timeline Of Proposed Super Bowl 51 Headlines From Last Night

The Deadspin staff convened in our staff chatroom last night to discuss and coordinate our coverage of Super Bowl 51 while we all watched it from our various homes and/or Super Bowl parties. As the game unfolded, staffers suggested various headlines for our postgame story; I’ve compiled them into a grimly illuminating timeline below.

8:53 PM: “A Children’s Treasury Of Sad Patriots”10:01 PM: “Patriots Lose Greatest Super Bowl Ever Played In Humiliating Fashion”10:19 PM: “Patriots Stage Greatest-Ever Super Bowl Comeback In Proof This Is The Darkest Timeline”10:20 PM: “Tom Brady Seals Status As Greatest Player To Ever Live As Nation Mourns”10:20 PM: “Tom Brady And Bill Belichick Kick America In The Crotch”10:21 PM: “Patriots Erase 25-Point Deficit, Defeat Hope”10:22 PM: “Tom Brady Pisses In America’s Wounds”10:23 PM: “Patriots Turn Biggest-Ever Super Bowl Comeback Into Grinding Hopeless Win”10:23 PM: “Tom Brady Joylessly Pisses In America’s Wounds With Blank Expression In Dead Eyes”10:24 PM: “Dead-Eyed Tom Brady Takes Joyless Piss In America’s Wounds”10:24 PM: “Patriots Complete Unprecedented, Joyless Comeback”10:25 PM: “Golden State Warriors Off Hook”10:25 PM: “Golden State Warriors Blow 25-Point Super Bowl Lead”10:26 PM: “America Was A Lie”10:31 PM: “Patriots Rally To Deny Falcons’ 25-Point Lead, God’s Existence”10:33 PM: “ Tom Brady Seals Status As Greatest Player Ever As Nation Mourns”