A Vigorous Defense Of Karen Owen, Duke Fuck List Author, Hero

Illustration for article titled A Vigorous Defense Of Karen Owen, Duke Fuck List Author, Hero

I have to note something about that Duke Fuck List post that went up yesterday. I saw a lot of mean stuff written in the comments about Karen Owen. "She's a slut" was probably among the more common sentiments.


There were also jabs at her general appearance and all that. To which I say to those who would condemn her: FOOLS! IDIOTS! FUCKING MORONS! Do you know how wonderful this young woman is? I would have shit hot knives to go to school filled with NOTHING but Karen Owens: Girls who are nice to look at, who not only are willing to have sex with other men, but also really, really enjoy it, and have little compunction (up until now) about doing so. This is a woman who is clearly passionate about hooking up with other men, and HOLY SHIT I WISH I'D PARTIED WITH HER WHEN I WAS 19 BECAUSE SHE SOUNDS LIKE A GOOD TIME.

Now you people calling her a slut or whatever are just gonna force her to conceal that enjoyment of hooking up for the rest of her life. You've forced her to a nunnery, OR WORSE, marriage! YOU'VE RUINED FOR HER EVERYONE ELSE! DO YOU WANT ALL WOMEN TO BECOME AMISH, YOU SCOUNDRELS? Think of all the other people out there Karen Owen could have pleased, if only for a night or two. One of them could have been YOU! YOU MORON! Imagine if, instead of condemning this list, we celebrated it with incredible gusto. LOOK AT KAREN OWEN! LOOK AT HER PASSION FOR FUCKING! THIS WOMAN IS A MODERN HERO, AND NOT AT ALL AS TERRIFYING AS TRACIE EGAN!

I submit that this woman should be a role model for ALL female college students. So many of us suffered through college careers littered with failed hookups and stories of utter misery when it comes to the opposite sex. You read some earlier today. Karen Owen is NOT a tramp. She's a giant white shining beacon of HOPE! A radiating, gorgeous beam of light that says YOU, yes even YOU, Mr. Smells His Own Taint, could finally get laid tonight! I say we make this women Queen of the Land and handfeed her grapes for the next four fucking decades. I wanna shake her hand. You may think I'm being facetious about this, but I am not. A woman who likes having sex with men has NOTHING to be ashamed of. Ever ever ever ever.

Don't listen to those men calling Owen a tramp, ladies. THIS WOMAN HAS LIVED A LIFE OF LIBERATION! I strongly urge you to follow in her footsteps. Except for the whole documenting your sex and then disseminating it out to the free world thing. Otherwise, I say we band together and chant in unison that KAREN OWEN IS WAY AWESOME.