As you've surely noticed, "SportsCenter" is running its yearly "My Wish" campaign with the "Make-A-Wish foundation" all this week. We covered our thoughts on this little segment last year, when we said, "First off, it should be obvious that we have no problem with sick and/or needy children getting to meet their heroes, living a dream during an extremely trying time. It's always queasy when these special moments are televised from every angle — Odalis Perez would be proud — but, despite all the pat-me-on-the-back-for-being-such-a-good-guy platitudes, it's difficult to argue that more good wasn't done than bad with the segments, even if we have some doubts about the motivation of the non-child participants. That said, the second we heard the wistful tinkling of each segment's entry music, we immediately change the channel."
Now that we're in Year Two, and because the Internet is a place full of mean people saying horrible, nasty things about cute children, people are becoming less patient. Witness this black-hearted (and, uh, sporadically amusing, we'll confess) list of "SportsCenter" anchor catchphrases as transferred to sick "My Wish" children.
"He will drool the drool of embalming fluid into the satin pillow of regret" -Keith Olbermann
"What Eddie Vedder is to Pearl Jam an overactive thyroid is to cancer." -John Buccigross
"He's not dying of my throgryposis, he's not dying of your throgryposis, he's dying of Arthrogryposis" -Craig Kilborn
"And Aloha means Goodbye!" - Larry Biel (Trunk Note: We didn't even have to alter this one...)
Wrong wrong wrong!
SportsCenter Announcers' My Wish Highlights [My Brain Says Rage]