All Other Sports, Rolled Into One

This is a big day, so in an effort to give due time to all the other sports, Deadspin is consolidating its regularly-scheduled coverage into the Everything Closer! "No love for..." your favorite sport? That's because your favorite sport might suck.

[flips coin]

Basketball! Yao Ming and Yi Jianlian were on the same court, which mean the game was so big in China, it was visible from space. In what was dubbed China's Super Bowl, I sure hope the Chinese enjoy disappointment, because Yao had 12 points and Yi ended with only 6. Tracy McGrady, who once ate Chinese food, had 33 points and 11 rebounds as Houston outlasted Milwaukee 91-83.

[pulls name out of hat]

Golf! We know Tiger Woods is good at the "I'm winning, so you can't have it" thing, but the "I'm way behind, let's do something about that" thing is new, or at least rarer. Woods was down by four shots with seven holes to play, but his five birdies propelled him ahead of Ernie Els to win the tournament in Dubai. Because of the win, Tiger Woods now owns two Middle Eastern countries.

[spins "Price Is Right" wheel]

Baseball! There's actually baseball going on. One catch: It's not on the mainland. But that's acceptable. The Caribbean Series has a new all time home run leader, and it's Miguel Tejada, who now has 13 career ¡dingers! in the event.

[closes eyes, opens Ouija board]

Hockey! The surging Montreal Canadiens tore through the Islanders 4-1. They're three points shy of first place. If this Canadian team continues to play well, they might have to be relocated to a non-hockey town in the United States. I hear Birmingham is lovely this time of year.

[gently rolls baby onto hopscotch board]

Skiing! In France, ... wait ... skiing? Well, that's what it says. In France, Bode Miller won his third super-combi World Cup and fifth World Cup event this season. Winter sports sure have a lot of World Cups.

[microwaves plastic toy soldiers]

College basketball! Eddie Sutton has finally 800 career victories as San Francisco defeated Pepperdine 85-82. Sutton is second among active coaches, although that's giving a very liberal definition to "active coach." USF is now free to finish the season with a ridiculously long losing streak.