The best foods to bring to your Super Bowl party

There is nothing more stressful than knowing you have a group of people coming over in 20 minutes, but your dip in the oven takes 40 minutes. Or that you might be showing up empty-handed to the pot-luck style watch party, and you are hoping no one notices. In any case, here is a guide to bringing and making the best snacks for a Super Bowl watch party, and things you should avoid in order to make sure you get invited back next year.

Nothing says football like chicken wings so big they could be mistaken for a turkey leg. I’m a traditionalist so Buffalo wings are my preferred, but I’m open to a variety of flavors as long as they’re vetted. This isn’t the time to bulk order ghost pepper wings, or give the new Thai curry flavor a whirl. Bonus points for providing ranch AND blue cheese, and crudités.

If you’re thinking about making some sort of burger or sandwich, the vessel is key. Nobody wants to be weighed down with a half pound of ground chuck, and that brioche bun takes up valuable plate space. Keep it small, maybe utilize King’s Hawaiian rolls because they’re a crowd favorite, and those burgers will be flying off the trays. (This also goes for tacos. The street taco-size tortillas are perfect. Nobody wants a fucking burrito, Bob.)

This is my personal favorite (long live the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and Kevin McAllister). The only way you can go wrong is by ordering a bunch of bullshit toppings (when in doubt, never order pineapple on pizza), or the wrong kind of pizza. Not to disparage the city I currently reside in, but deep dish has the same downsides as full-size burgers. The square-cut Chicago pizza spots are preferable.

A bag of Tostitos scoops and a jar of salsa con queso does not constitute nachos. There’s a science to making nachos that are going to be sitting out for the length of a football game. The key is to avoid stadium cheese or any other topping that risks ruining the integrity of the chip. Put a spoon in a bowl of salsa and guacamole and go efficient fat kid with the squeeze bag of sour cream. Also, layer the chips, cheese, and beans (whole not, refried). You’re not an animal.

I want to personally apologize for taking a shot at Tostitos scoops and their fine salsa con queso product. I would put it in the vice category of my diet, but I wouldn’t put it out on the snack buffet. The cheese cools and gets that gross skin on top of it. Put out a crockpot, throw in browned ground meat product, and enough Velvetta to sustain Uruguay for a year. If you’re going to bring some kind of fancy dip, make sure it’s also a tried and true recipe. Unless you’re the foodie of the friend group that’s batting .750 in the kitchen, I don’t want to try your seafood dip.

Chili isn’t soup or stew. It’s in its own category, and is suitable for the Super Bowl because of its versatility. You can have regular bowls, with all the garnishes. Or throw some cheese dip and chips next to it, and do chili cheese dip. If you really want people to be comatose by the halftime show, go for chili cheese dogs. (Caution: That will overwhelm plates and probably the facilities, too.)

This is more of a tailgate stapler than something you find at a Super Bowl party. Yet, cased meats and football are synonymous with each other. Nobody gets mad at a tray full of Italian sausages with peppers and onions, or brats with mustard and sauerkraut. You will get a side eye if you serve anyone over the age of 12 ketchup on their hot dogs, or just serve a bunch of non-themed hot dogs. This isn’t preschool. Gimme a Chicago Dog Bar, or as previously mentioned the chili dog bar. Cocktail weenies are cased meat, too, and are highly recommended.

If you have the means and can stare at a fire all morning, go for it. I don’t need an excuse to drink beer and bathe in smoke. If you can’t do that, a tray of pulled meat from a reputable BBQ joint will suffice. While I’m not technically a shill for King’s Hawaiian, this is another opportunity for the slider. Pulled pork, a little sauce, some pickles, call it a day. The only catch is to avoid a cut that will dry out super quickly (i.e. brisket). Ribs are dicey too because cutting them dries them. And they should probably be sliced so Chuck isn’t wielding a cleaver in the fourth quarter, six Jack and Cokes deep.

Anything that you’d find in the quick bites section of a TGI Friday’s menu is fair game. Mozzarella sticks, jalapeno poppers, meatballs, mini quesadillas, Philly cheesesteak egg rolls. All of that stuff only gets better at room temp. The drawback is you have to overorder these things. They’re novelty products that people love but can’t really replicate so they’re very popular. A heaping pile of fried goodness/heart disease? MM-MMM.

This is more of a read-the-room type of play. Most crowds enjoy a meat and cheese board. Everybody likes customizing their own crackers, and the popularity of Lunchables is proof of that. Depending on the demo, you could opt for a hipster board, like toast, or Korean barbecue. Not everybody appreciates pretentious foodie culture though, and certain groups will definitely make fun of you for trying too hard. (And I feel Deadspin’s readership falls into that group.)

If you’re in a jam, you can’t go wrong with a couple dozen chocolate chip and M&M cookies from the bakery section at your local grocery store. Ditto for any kind of bar or brownie. Rice Krispie treats, lemon bars, any confection containing Oreos, or a combination of chocolate and peanut butter. As long as you’re not the fifth person to bring a dessert, it should be fine.