So, there's this rumor that The Big Lead caught wind of, which is rather vague, but essentially there are some writers out there trying to land a publishing deal for an unauthorized Brett Favre biography, featuring his drug addiction and extra-marital affairs.
Before I begin my wild speculation of what each chapter will detail, we are all well aware of Favre's adultery, when he professed his love to that one blonde girl at the same time Chris Elliott, Matt Dillon and Ben Stiller also tried to win her heart. But the painkiller addiction is news to me.
Other revelations, I've been told by myself, that will appear in the hypothetical biography:
Chapter 1: Brett Favre runs a fire ant fighting ring in Mississippi, and tortures the losing ants with a magnifying glass.
Chapter 4: Brett Favre pays off local police offers to keep quiet his illegal sales of black market Prilosec.
Chapter 9: Brett Favre murders Dorsey Levens.
Chapter 12: The night before Super Bowl XXXI, Brett Favre walks down to the corner to buy a newspaper, but when he deposits 50 cents into the machine, he lifts up the door and takes two copies.
Chapter 13: Brett Favre and Mark Chmura place bets on a race between homeless people Green Bay, with the loser being forced to attend a post-prom party. Right before the race, Favre hires a hitman to shiv the homeless guy that Chmura bet on.
Chapter 17: Brett Favre murders Harry Potter.
And I've just learned that Favre threw his 421th career touchdown, breaking the record. Fitting.
A Brett Favre Unauthorized Bio? [The Big Lead]