Arencibia's Pleasant Retorts Are Canada's Version Of Shit-Talk

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When Blue Jays catcher J.P. Arencibia heard the media criticism in Toronto, he had two choices. He could bear the slings and arrows in silence, or he could stand up take the fight right back to 'em. The 27-year-old opted for the latter, and did so in a most Canadian fashion: respectfully dispute his accusers' main points and offering gentle suggestions on how they could do their jobs with better considerations for the feelings of others.

Not that Arencibia is full Canuck; he was born in Cuba and arrived in the bigs by way of the University of Tennessee. But Canadian politesse has clearly gotten to him. Herewith, quotes from Arencibia (who "fired back at baseball analysts Gregg Zaun and Dirk Hayhurst," in the words of the Toronto Star) with translations into American English.

“There’s not one person in our clubhouse that respects those guys,” Arencibia told Sportsnet the Fan 590 on Thursday morning.


[Translation: "If those two gasbags were on fire, and you took up a collection from the guys on this team, you might get just enough warm piss to wet one of their shoes."]

Arencibia said it was “unfortunate” that fans have to get information from Zaun and Hayhurst and the pair were “informing fans the wrong way.”

[Translation: "The real tragedy here is that these guys shit in the fans' ears and tell 'em it's cotton balls. Unbelievable, to do that to the fine people of this fair city. It ain't right, I'm tellin' you."]

He dismissed Hayhurst as a minor-league pitcher with “below-average baseball tools” and Zaun as a below-average catcher who has been linked to performance-enhancing drugs. “I know it’s part of the job . . . but they quickly forget how tough the game is,” Arencibia told the radio station.


[Translation: "Who are you gonna believe here? Me, with 15 home runs so far this year? Or a pair of has-beens who don't know their asses from first base?"]

Arencibia also talked about how there is too much negativity in baseball and in the world in general. "I think a lot of the world is based on negativity,” Arencibia said, adding that instead of criticizing the Jays play, the analysts should explain “why the play turned out the way it did.” “They should really understand and make the fans understand that it’s not all that easy,” Arencibia said.


[Translation: "Look, the world's a fucked-up place. I will grant you that. We got people getting killed over stupid shit all the time. This stuff in Egypt, I mean, what are you gonna do about that? But we play baseball so as to make everyone feel a little better about their day. And we bust our asses. So you tell me, with unemployment as high as it is, how do these two shitbirds get to sit in the air conditioning and draw a paycheck just by ripping into my ass. Tell me, is that right? Does that sound right to you? How is that American?"]

Hayhurst later responded to Arencibia's tirade with harsh words of his own, saying on Sportsnet 590, "I respect his opinion. ... I feel bad for the guy. ... Maybe we have called him out a little bit, but a lot has been expected from him." Hayhurst then did not add that Arencibia should spend more time in the batting cage and less time on the radio flapping his gums, and that any big-leaguer who's hitting 16 for his last 100 should be fuckin' appreciative for the advice, not that there's any need to thank Hayhurst personally or nothing 'cause he's just doing his job.


J.P. Arencibia fires back at Blue Jays TV analysts Dirk Hayhurst, Gregg Zaun [Toronto Star]

Photo credit of Arencibia: Getty