Baseball Page 1285 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Announcers Get Fan's Gender Wrong, Repeatedly
Either no one explained to the Indians announcers how mommies and daddies or different, or they saw the large bosom and Packers shirt and assumed it was your typical Wisconsin man. [h/t Kevin]...
Rangers Pitcher Hit In Head With Comeback Liner
Tonight in the bottom of the 6th, Rangers reliever Dustin Nippert took a hard liner to the head courtesy of the Tigers' Austin Jackson. Nippert seemed shaken but ultimately walked himself off. He is currently listed as day-to-day, according to MLB.com....
Win The Game, Carl Pavano's Gonna Fist Your Anus. That's Just The Way Life Goes.
Delmon Young's single capped a four-run ninth, and set off a celebration the likes of which his colon had never seen. Also, this is pretty much the perfect metaphor for what Carl Pavano did to the Yankees for four years....
David Huff Avenges Alleged Twitter-Induced Indians Snub By Pitching Shutout
Huff claimed his Twitter was hijacked by some phantom, who informed his followers last Friday he would start for the Indians yesterday. Cleveland management, unimpressed by his presumptions, didn't call him up. Angered by the snub, Huff went on topitch masterfully yesterday....
Won't You Please Help Protect Our Fragile Baseball Players?
Russell Branyan is day-to-day after stubbing his toe while closing the curtains. Mat Latos goes on the DL with a strain suffered while attempting to hold back a sneeze. This is where you lie and claim a tranny hooker beat you up....
When Gary Carter Gets Into It With A Child, You Know Security's Going To Get Involved
I can't really blame Carter here. He knows the rules about only signing specific items, and so does the "fan" who baits him. Poor kid: in one day he learns that ballplayers can be mean, and that his dad's a douche. [Via]...
David Ortiz Swears In Spanish During Home Run Derby, Announcers Hilariously Mistranslate
During his first round of derbying, David Ortiz took a break to wipe himself down and sip some of Rafael Soriano's Gatorade. Then he said "pussy" in Spanish, and Berman and Joe Morgan thought he meant something else. Let's break it down....
Pablo Sandoval, Noted Fatass, To Speak To Children About Heart Health
Thanks, PR person from the American Heart Association, for letting us know about the 250-plus lb. Sandoval telling children how to eat right and keep their hearts healthy. What, was George Steinbrenner not available?...
Who's The Boss: The Greatest Hits Of George Steinbrenner
Steinbrenner's been out of the public eye for a few years, but we'll always have the memories — memories of one insane move or proclamation after another. Here's a look at some of his finest moments....
YES Network Eulogizes George Steinbrenner With Sensitively Chosen Pull Quote
Whoever did this should be fired and rehired, in the man's honor. H/T reader Adem...
George Steinbrenner Is Dead At 80
Yankees owner George Steinbrenner has died after suffering a massive heart attack. He was 80. Quoth commenter Eddie Murray Sparkles: "Jesus is getting a haircut as we speak."...
Brad Lidge Signs A Fake Leg
Here's the Phillies' closer taking the time to sign a prosthetic limb after a recent game. Other players who claim not to have the time to sign for fans? Well, they no longer have a leg to stand on. [Crossing Broad]...
Vin Scully Is Still The Best Broadcaster In The Universe Ever, Says Men's Magazine Compiling A List
Does anyone think Vin Scully sucks? Anyone in the world? He seems like the last living universally beloved person on the planet. Besides Santa. And, poor, poor Hawk Harrelson....
Young Fan's Interference Leads To Mariners Loss, Priceless Expressions Of Wounded Innocence
In the eighth inning last night, Russell Branyan hit a chopper down the line that rolled into foul territory and was picked up by a teenager—preventing Ichiro from tying the game. Watch the young man's excitement turn to horror. [MLB.com]...
Rev Up The Outrage; MLB Apotheosizes, Fellates Strasburg In New Ad
Koufax. Gibson. Ryan. Strasburg. Now, MLB's not saying he's as good as them, but if six games are any judge, he's better!...
These Big Leaguers Are A Bunch Of Mamas' Boys
The already-outstanding Wall Street Journal sports section brings us profiles of MLB rookies who still live at home. Well, there's always the road beef. [WSJ]...
Fan Falls From Stands At Rangers Game
While reaching for a foul ball, a man fell from the 2nd deck of Rangers Ballpark to the seats below. The game was stopped for 16 minutes, but reports have the man in stable condition. Four fans sitting below suffered minor injuries....
In The 209, They Make Commemorative T-Shirts!
Yes, the A's are selling "Get Off My Mound" t-shirts. They were a big hit in the visiting locker room last night among the Yankees, but Dallas Braden his own self isn't too pleased....
Deadspin Classic: A Children's Treasury Of Men Getting Blasted In The Face With Champagne
We at Deadspin research spent a solid day compiling these photos, and hardly any of you stopped to admire our work the first time around. So you know what? Here they are again, like a cold blast of liquid to the face....
Can Sorcery Save The Pirates?
It doesn't take a psychic to see the Pirates aren't going to get better. But The Amazing Kreskin is offering his services anyway....