MLB Page 811 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

Prayers Up To Mitch Haniger's Testicle

The Mets Think They've Outsmarted The MLB Draft And You Know How That Usually Goes

The New York Mets: honestly who ever even knows with these guys. ...

Max Kepler Kept Calling Trevor Bauer's Bluff

Twins outfielder Max Kepler was fantastic in Thursday’s 5-4 win over Cleveland as he went 4-for-4 with three home runs and a walk. There are two ways to look at this performance, and they’re not mutually exclusive. You could say that Kepler had a hell of a night, and you could say that opposing pitc...

Very Orioles Sequence Starts With Highlight Catch And Ends With Injury And Failure

This was a very valiant effort from Orioles outfielder Dwight Smith Jr. The ball was driven pretty good to left by Rougned Odor; Asdrúbal Cabrera, on first base with two outs, is running on contact. By tracking this ball down, Smith might’ve kept a run off the board. But he also plowed into the wall...

Hey, Look At That, Dallas Keuchel Has Landed With The Braves

Former Astros ace Dallas Keuchel was the last man standing from the grueling free agency winter of hell that followed the 2018 season. Craig Kimbrel, the other glaringly overqualified but evidently unemployable pitcher, landed with the Cubs Wednesday night; Thursday night, at last, Keuchel scored a ...

And Now, An Unsolicited Poem From A Yankees Fan

In a blog earlier this morning, I made the brave and extremely correct observation that the New York Yankees are a wicked, awful baseball team that deserves to play its home games on fields of fire and brimstone in the very pit of Hell itself....

Vlad Guerrero Jr.'s Righteous Dong Sent The Yankees To Hell Where They Belong

The vile and hideous New York Yankees were, inexplicably, somehow on the verge of maybe winning a game on Wednesday night, until a legend in the making shut them down. The Yanks have rightfully tasted victory only once in the month of June, and to prevent that disaster from happening again, the Toro...

Craig Kimbrel Finally Lands A Job, Joins Cubs

It took all the way until June 5, but finally, finally, one of the handful of best closers in baseball has landed a job. Per Ken Rosenthal of The Athletic, Craig Kimbrel has reached an agreement to join the NL Central-leading Chicago Cubs on a multiyear deal:...

Clint Frazier Has Some Things He'd Like To Get Off His Chest About The New York Media

The very first thing Yankees fans were told about Clint Frazier was that he was going to be good. Upon his acquisition from Cleveland in the Andrew Miller trade, Frazier was immediately ranked as the Yankees’ No. 2 prospect....

Brewers Utility Man Hernán Pérez Pitches Delightful, YouTube-Inspired 1-2-3 Inning

Normally I would not ask you to pay attention to a late half-inning in a 16–0 June blowout, where pretty much by definition nothing that happens matters in the slightest. This is no normal half-inning! First of all the pitcher is Brewers utility man Hernán Pérez, making his second appearance on the ...

Help Me Figure Out Which Team Scored 11 Runs In One Inning In Marlins-Brewers

The Miami Marlins opened a series against the Milwaukee Brewers Tuesday night, in Milwaukee. The Brewers come into the series sitting atop the NL Central; the last-place, aggressively “rebuilding” Marlins come into the series having scored the fewest total runs in baseball and 35 fewer runs than the...

Umpire Mike Everitt Leaves Game After Taking 95-MPH Fastball To The Chest

Umpire Mike Everitt was working home plate in the bottom of the third inning of Tuesday night’s White Sox-Nationals game when a 95-mph fastball from Reynaldo López somehow missed both Trea Turner’s bat and catcher James McCann’s glove and smashed directly into his breast pocket, obliterating the pen...

Dodgers Pitcher Julio Urias Won't Be Charged In Domestic Violence Investigation

The Office of the Los Angeles City Attorney will not file misdemeanor charges against Dodgers pitcher Julio Urias. Urias was arrested on May 13 after witnesses reportedly told law enforcement that they saw Urias shove a woman to the ground at the Beverly Center shopping mall. In a press release, the...

Diamondbacks Fan Tries To Crack Kenley Jansen With His Bare Cheeks

Can you spot the butt? Look closely. You’ll find it....

The Padres Killed A Lot Of Bees For Absolutely No Reason

Bees are dying globally at an alarming rate. And the San Diego Padres are doing their part to kill them....

Alex Rodriguez Considers Crapping Out Of View

Earlier this month a photo of Alex Rodriguez taking a crap in his well-appointed bathroom made its way around the internet. The photo was snapped from a building adjacent to A-Rod’s home, which for some reason features a bathroom with a giant glass window facing out to the street. A-Rod is now consi...

This Mariners Error Is Some Beer-League Softball Shit

For a little while there it looked like the Seattle Mariners might actually be pretty good this season. They got off to a 13-2 start and everyone in the lineup was hitting dingers all over the place. The bombs are still flying (they are second in baseball with 108 homers), but basically everything e...

Andrew McCutchen Injures Knee In Stupid, Fluky, Unfair, Stupid Rundown [Update]

If a player is going to be injured on the bases, you’d prefer it come from legging out a triple, or barreling into a catcher, or wrapping an arm around a middle infielder on a head-first slide into second base. A perfectly pointless and avoidable rundown between first and second is not at all an occ...

Nobody Tells Max Scherzer To Leave The Mound Except Max Scherzer

After throwing 117 pitches and striking out 14 batters, Max Scherzer did not feel like he was ready to leave Sunday’s game against the Reds. He made those feelings known to Nationals manager Dave Martinez, who tried to take out his streaking ace in the bottom of the eighth right as Joey Votto got to...

Twins' Byron Buxton Throws An Absolute Laser To Make A 300-Foot Double Play Look Easy

It’s already been well established on this site that Twins outfielder Byron Buxton is fast as hell when it comes to running the bases. But what hasn’t been talked about enough is that he’s also one of the best fielders in baseball with one of the best arms on one of the best teams in baseball right ...