MLB Page 813 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Dustin Pedroia Has Officially Entered Pre-Retirement Limbo
Dividing baseball players up into types used to be easy—you had your goatee guys and your non-goatee guys. But in this age of increasing specialization and aesthetic proliferation, that work has become more difficult. You’ve got your Beardo Hunter Guys, your Orange County Tattoo Dudes, a whole grim ...
Odubel Herrera Arrested For Suspected Domestic Violence
Multiple outlets are reporting that Philadelphia Phillies outfielder Odubel Herrera was arrested Monday night after police responded to a report of domestic violence in Atlantic City, New Jersey....
Mallex Smith Circled The Bases In The Coolest Of Ways
You can keep your filthy “dingers,” your “dongs,” your “mashed taters,” you damn dirty apes! Corkscrew yourselves into hell for all I care! Give me a ruthless speedster thieving his way around the bases, as the Mariners’ Mallex Smith did to the pathetic Rangers in the bottom of the eighth inning las...
Daniel Vogelbach Hit A Homer So Meaty It Could Feed A Family Of Four
Look at the faces. No, not at the mugs of the guy at the plate or the guy on the mound, although you’ll find expressions of optimism and helplessness, respectively. Look into the stands, and gaze at all the “O”s on those fans’ faces, their expressions turning them into some kind of poorly organized ...
Mike Yastrzemski Disappoints Wife While Trying To Get To Second Base
Yet another relative of a Hall of Famer was promoted to the majors this past weekend. Mike Yastrzemski, grandson of Red Sox great Carl Yastrzemski, got the call up to join the dysfunctional Giants on Saturday, where he made his debut against the Diamondbacks. Yastrzemski finally got the first hit of...
Orioles' Keon Broxton Lost Track Of A Wall And Allowed A Pitcher To Hit A Two-Run RBI Triple
Baltimore’s trip to Coors Field has been a relative success by the realistic standards the team has likely set for themselves—Baltimore not only took one of the three games in the series, but also allowed fewer than 50 home runs during that span—so it was only a matter of time until the Orioles regr...
Cavan Biggio Proves There's Enough Room In Toronto For Two Dinger-Mashing Sons Of Cooperstown Greats
The Toronto Blue Jays made history on Friday when they called up Cavan Biggio to the Majors. If Cavan’s last name sounds familiar to you, it’s because Cavan is the son of Astros legend Craig Biggio. As a result of that connection, the Blue Jays became the first team in Major League history to have t...
Davey Martinez's Meltdown Saved Him From Watching Yet Another Nationals Bullpen Disaster
The Nationals, sitting at 19–31 on the season and having won just one series since mid-April, very much have the look of a pile of crap. It’s not clear that the organization has accepted this as anything other than a phase, but the time is fast approaching when denial will no longer be possible. Unl...
Did Cal Ripken Jr. Sign This Painting Of An Oriole By John Wayne Gacy?
For those of you clamoring for the autographs of both a serial killer and a Baseball Hall of Famer, here’s a way to, well, kill two birds with one stone. You can buy this “original acrylic painting of an Oriole by John Wayne Gacy, which prominently features the autograph of Cal Ripken Jr.” for $9,99...
The Orioles Should Consider Getting A Restraining Order Against Gleyber Torres
Gleyber Torres socked a solo dinger in the fifth inning of Wednesday’s Yankees-Orioles game, a muscular, opposite-field job that just cleared the Camden Yards scoreboard. The blast put the Yankees up 7–2; they’d go on to win 7–5. There was nothing particularly special or noteworthy about this home r...
White Sox Turn Ho-Hum, Unsatisfying Triple Play
You’d think anything as rare and unlikely as a triple play would include plenty of thrills and chills, possibly one or two spills, even the odd Phil. Back in August the Rangers turned a triple play that could be described as “pretty cool.” Last April the Mariners turned one on a brain goof that a pe...
Rich Hill, On The Shift: "Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Goddammit! Fuck!"
With two down in the bottom of the first inning of Wednesday night’s Dodgers-Rays game, Rays first baseman Ji-man Choi leaned over and bunted a first-pitch fastball from Dodgers starter Rich Hill up the third baseline for a single. This worked because the Dodgers had shifted their infield to the rig...
Mashing Titan Josh Bell Sends Another Worthless Baseball Screaming Into Hell
Friends and dinger lovers, rejoice! The mighty works of Josh Bell continue unabated into the summer. In the second inning of Wednesday night’s Rockies-Pirates game, foolish mortal Jon Gray left a puny 87-mile-per-hour changeup up in the zone, and Bell promptly sent it to the Cenobites for an eternit...
Biased Umpire Brazenly Interferes In Fiercely Contested Anthem Standoff
I don’t know how the Miami Marlins can possibly trust the umpire crew working their Wednesday night game against the Detroit Tigers, after this blatant display of partisanship by Fieldin Culbreth during the anthem standoff between Daniel Stumpf and Sandy Alcantara....
Do Not Let The Barrage Of Mets Failures Distract You From This Mets Failure
When the Mets manage to make the covers of all three New York City–area tabloids, as they did on Tuesday morning, it is seldom because they’ve done something good. Some of that is because of how New York City’s tabloids work and most of it is because of how the Mets don’t work, but if the Mets are o...
Marcus Stroman And The Red Sox Had Themselves A Little Squabble
What happened between Blue Jays pitcher Marcus Stroman and the Red Sox in Tuesday’s game doesn’t rise to the level of a feud or beef. It could better be described as a tiff, or perhaps a bunfight....
Bryce Harper Got These Suckers Good
Bryce Harper, fresh off reminding the baseball world that he is indeed capable of throwing the damn dick off the ball, found himself in an interesting situation during last night’s game in Chicago. After catching a fly ball and recording the final out of the sixth inning, he heard pleas from the rig...
These Poor Dogs Had To Watch 11 Innings Of Tigers-Marlins Baseball On A Chilly Tuesday Night
It was 54 degrees and cloudy in Detroit when the Marlins and the Tigers wrapped up their series opener at 10:39 p.m on Tuesday. In a contest between the two teams with the lowest position player WAR in all of MLB, the Marlins won 5-4 in eleven innings, which is a baseball-watching experience in 2019...
Not Surprisingly, It's Bad News When The Words "Orioles" And "Dingers" And "Record" Appear In The Same Sentence
Home runs are up across baseball. The woeful Baltimore Orioles will not be the only team whose pitchers give up what in previous eras would’ve been considered nauseating dinger totals. Still, statistics like this, courtesy of Eddie Matz of ESPN, continue to be appalling, at least in part for how suc...