Blood Writes: "I Have AIDS, Bitch!" Said The Man Spitting Blood Into The Young Doctor's Eyes And Mouth

My wife works in a hospital in what one would call an "under-served" community. She sees your typical gunshot wounds, stabbings, things shoved up anuses that should not be shoved up anuses. The community being what it is, impoverished, uneducated and drug addicted, many of these patients are also HIV positive.

One such patient came through the ER last week and was a little grumpy, and covered in blood. They are always grumpy—for whatever reason, a lot of the patients also lash out at the people there to serve them. My wife's colleague, a resident at the hospital, was not even treating this man; he didn't know what was wrong with the guy (other than being covered in blood). He was just dropping off some orders and the man happened to be in the area where those orders needed to be dropped. That's when this poor doctor-in-training began what will surely be a terrible, terrible month. Having someone spit blood on you is upsetting enough, but when the spitter also has deadly aim and the blood lands in your eyes and in your mouth, it's about as upsetting as it gets. Unless the spitter also shouts, "I have AIDS, bitch!" before actually spitting blood into your mouth and eyes. That makes it upsetting and terrifying.

The resident was immediately hooked up to a Morgan lens (pictured), which is essentially a plastic contact lens hooked up to a tube that sprays water in your eye for, like, a half hour. Water gets everywhere, soaking your clothes, and oh yeah, there's a hunk of plastic inside your eye splashing out AIDS- and hepatitis-laden blood. While AIDS rightfully got top billing, the spitter failed to mention that, yes, he also had hepatitis. Blood tests confirmed both.

Then the resident, who, as luck would have it, had recently cut the inside of his mouth while eating, was given what is called a post-exposure prophylaxis, or PEP, kit. It is essentially the same medicine people who actually have HIV are given, and it is a highly regimented system that requires exact compliance. It also makes you shit your brains out for a month.

So consider yourself lucky next time Joe in Receivables or whoever steals your lunch. At least you don't work in a place where some strung-out lunatic might spit infectious blood in your face and force you to piss shit for the next 30 days.