Breaking News! Baseball Player Signs Ridiculous Contract!

I'm so excited to tell you this I might as well just copy and paste the fucker:

Free-agent left-hander Barry Zito and the San Francisco Giants have agreed to a seven-year, $126 million contract, according to baseball officials.

Zito, the 2002 American League Cy Young Award winner with the Oakland Athletics, considered offers by the New York Mets, Texas Rangers and Seattle Mariners before relocating across the Bay.

Man, this is phenomenal news for the Giants. I mean, I'm no Peter Gammons, but you throw a WILD-FIRE like Zito in between the ROCK-SOLID Rick Reuschel, and the ROCK-SOLID Don Robinson, and well... you've got yourself quite the 1-2-3 starting rotation. Yeah, I'm not gonna lie — I could see this team getting swept in the World Series this year.

And oh, no, to the best of my knowledge Barry Zito is not Japanese and/or plays small forward for the Knicks. Sorry. You see, I was just about to tell you how the New York Yankees signed Japanese pitcher Kei Igawa today, and couldn't find it in my heart to take his photo down, OK?

Giants Land Zito [Yahoo! Sports] Igawa Inks $20M Deal With Yanks [The Staten Island Advance]