Bud Selig's Fortnight From Hell

As we move on with our lives now that Barry Bonds has taken over the home run record — though we really can't move on, considering he's gonna keep playing — we look at the guy who has consistently looked worse than everybody else, Bonds included, this entire time. We're talking of course about Bud Selig.

It is amazing, really, how Selig so consistently makes the wrong decisions at exactly the wrong time; he couldn't screw up worse if he were trying. First, historically, the steroid (and Bonds) monster that he could have dealt with a decade ago. But that's original sin: Let's deal with the last, oh, two weeks.

Selig, chronologically:

• Refused to say whether he would be there for Bonds' record homer, acting as if he was making grand statement by not making a statement. • Finally relented and started showing up at games, dragging his feet and saying, "I don't think anybody can say I haven't made a Herculean effort" in, you know, watching baseball games. • Leaves the trail right before Bonds hits the homer. • Meets with that increasingly ridiculous Mitchell steroid probe committee. • When Bonds hits the record, sends out another of his namby-pamby, bitch-ass "we congratulate Bonds ... but don't forget that he's a cheater!" passive-aggressive press releases.

Selig is the only guy we know who thinks, by taking no stance and pussy-footing around, people will see him as some sort of great leader. He's not. He's just a spineless car salesman who, for some reason, just won't go away. God, has he really been commissioner for 15 years now?

And seriously: It is absolutely impossible for this guy to take a good picture.