C’mon now, 13 seconds is a ton of time

Hey, Bills fans, I know life sucks and everything hurts right now, but it’ll get better. There’s always next year is something Cubs fans tell themselves after their team is mathematically eliminated in August, so don’t tell yourselves that. Tell yourselves that you have one of the best young QBs in the game and turn “13 seconds” into a rallying cry and stop actually crying.

Also, who says 13 seconds isn’t a lot of time? Never mind the 99 percent of football fans who saw Josh Allen and Gabriel Davis embracing and Allen’s dad celebrating and thought, “This is over. They didn’t leave Patrick Mahomes enough time.”

I’ve seen crazier things happen in less time. You can do SO much in 13 seconds. Hell, I bet you read the headline of this article and called me an asshole in your head in less than 13 seconds.

What else can happen in 13 seconds? C’mon, help me out guys. Buffalo fans need a pick-me-up, and there are plenty of examples, like …

This literally happened this week. In this scenario, the Bills are the Wizards and the Chiefs are the Clippers. The Clippers were down by 35 points at one time and rallied all the way back to within six with 9 seconds remaining. Not only did Kennard go full Mahomes, he splashed in a four-point play to go ahead with less than 2 seconds remaining.

I guess you could call what Kennard did, “Pulling a Reggie Miller” and not “Going full Mahomes,” but I want to make sure there’s no confusion. So in this scenario, Miller is the one who went full Mahomes, and the Bills are John Starks and the Knicks failing to hit free throws/squib the kickoff.

If you don’t remember this, it’s the go-to example for what can be accomplished in so little (much?) time. The Bills didn’t choke like the Knicks; the Chiefs hit those two 3s (two passes for 50 yards) and knocked in the freebies to go ahead (kicked a 49 field goal to tie). I don’t know what the walk-off touchdown in overtime would be, though. Maybe if the game went to OT, the rules were next bucket wins, the Pacers won the tip, and Miller hit another 3? Fuck, at least possession would’ve been decided by a jump ball rather than a coin flip.

I know this is kind of a cop out because he’s supposed to run fast, but it took the Chiefs 10 seconds to go half that distance, so in comparison, Kansas City was incredibly slow, and Buffalo is lucky K.C. didn’t score a walk-off touchdown. All the Bills need is Bolt, and they’ll be able to overcome 3-point deficits in six seconds.

Can watch Bolt here.

It took Byron Buxton the same amount of time to round the bases in 2017 as it took the Chiefs to drive down the field and kick a game-tying field goal. However, Buxton’s home run sprint is an MLB record, so I’m not sure if these are helping anymore (or at all). Buxton plays outfield so perhaps he’d be more interested/apt to be a two-sport athlete.

But considering that 75-yard bomb from Allen to Davis in the third quarter only took 10 seconds, maybe they don’t even need the help.

I’m sorry, Bills fans. I’ve been reduced to Googling world records, and I have to say, I thought there would be more feats in 13 seconds or less. Your boy Mizejewski slamming a plastic cup of M&M’s and washing it down with what I’m assuming is Coca-Cola is as impressive a record as I could find.

We all have bad weeks, myself included. Let’s just hope people on the internet forget and move on.

Can watch Mizejewski here.