Carl Monday Will Have You Locked In Jail With The Key Thrown Away

A commenter brought this up yesterday, but we still cannot believe it: Mike Cooper, the 23-year-old dreamer with the sad misfortune of unleashing his lonely penis within a four-mile radius of Carl Monday, is being held on $500,000 bond after his arrest for indecency charges. You heard that correctly: $500,000! We don't know Cooper's financial situation enough to make a firm guess as to whether or not they can cover that ... but we'll say that we have our doubts.
The judge had little sympathy for Cooper's plight.
Berea Municipal Judge Marisa Meyer said the $500,000 bond is not excessive, saying "I'm not comfortable releasing him until a psychiatric evaluation is complete." Cooper's attorney, Elizabeth Kelley, says her client has already been seeking counseling and "desperately wants to stop this type of behavior in the future."
The interview with Judge Meyer about her ruling continued.
"So, what kind of stuff goes on back in chambers? "Oh, filing legal papers, writing up memos, so on." "Filing legal papers, writing memos, the self-use of Fred Smoot sex toys, that type of thing?" "No ... why?"


- Best MLB Bets for Tuesday September 23rd: Top Baseball Betting Picks Today
- Best MLB Home Run Props September 23rd: Tuesday Best HR Betting Picks
- Best MLB Bets for Monday September 22nd: Top Baseball Betting Picks Today
- Lions vs. Ravens Monday Night Football Week 3 Betting Predictions
- Best MLB Bets for Sunday September 21st: Top Baseball Betting Picks Today
- Chiefs vs. Giants Sunday Night Football Week 3 Betting Predictions
- Top 10 NFL Player Prop Bets for Week 3: Daniel Jones, Cam Ward, and More
