In their infinite wisdom, the Cavinder Twins turn to… Jake Paul?

I don’t know what part of “ Down with influencers” landed me on the Cavinder Twins beat, yet here I am, writing my third story on Haley and Hanna as if my only motivation in life is engaging with their content. I’d rather throw myself to the wolves or discover what “YouTubers” are than bring you up to speed on what they’re doing.

Nobody fucking cares, but since you can’t watch porn at work, you’re stuck clicking smut adjacent material like this. So, today I’m here to inform you about their new partnership with a like-minded piece of shit I never want to think about in my free time, Jake Paul.

The Cavinder Twins are partnering with Jake on Betr, a social media/gambling platform that sounds as legit as the next app that’s dropped a few vowels and is promising to be the future of the internet (and a congressional investigation). I literally just read the headline and first couple of sentences from the TMZ story about it to make sure this news is true and my facts are straight, so if you’re looking for a thoughtful angle or more information about their prospects in the WWE or on Betr, you won’t find it here.

Jake is a scumbag whose exploits are easily findable on Google, and young women should be wary of who they associate with, lest they end up cleaned out. However, “exploitation” seems to be steps 1 through 10 of the Cavinders’ business plan.

They’ve already been on Dave Portnoy’s podcast and signed up for Vince McMahon’s WWE, so a Jake Paul-backed venture is the next logical step. Are you morally problematic and/or a cash-hungry captain of industry? If so, start writing up a business proposal for this dynamic duo.

So good luck, I guess, to the Cavinders on their post-influencer, post-basketball careers. Ideally, this is the last time I’ll ever have to write about them.