Sports News Without Access, Favor, Or Discretion
Screenshot: Dan Lucero

No point in keeping you waiting for this one—on Saturday, Chip the Buffalo, Colorado’s sideline mascot, blasted his dick and balls with damn t-shirt cannon and by the grace of God, someone had their phone out to film the vicious neutering of what was once a happy-go-lucky creature.


Shortly after, the crumpled heap that had become Chip was scooped up and placed on the back of a medical cart; he was wheeled off the field, giving a thumbs up to his fans as his two legs dangled off the end of the cart, lifeless, swinging in the wind, likely confused by the sudden empty space where once there had been a mighty buffalo’s calf-maker.


“Chip” later returned to the sidelines to cheer on the football team during its 45-14 win over New Hampshire.


The real Chip is currently residing at a farm upstate, happily romping around in a field with other ill-fated mascots that, like him, just have the hardest time figuring out high-speed apparel weapons. He’s better off this way, really.

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