Sports News Without Access, Favor, Or Discretion

Classy Coach K Congratulates Mercer In Their Locker Room, With Class

Last night, reader Will sent the Deadspin staff this email, with the subject line "Dook":

The guy who took a dysfunctional US Olympic basketball team to two straight gold medals shows everyone how to lose with grace and class.... again.

LOL at you guys ever posting anything like this. "Derp, derp he looks like a rat!" - Emma Carmichael…

The link, in case you can't be assed to click through, basically consists of the word "classy" and a picture of Coach K classily congratulating Mercer in their locker room, with class.


Having satisfied reader Will's demand for classy Coach K content, it feels worth throwing in responses to this email from Deadspin staff.

Albert Burneko:


Tim Marchman:

Three: Duke's seed, and also the number of homeless men Coach K has stabbed with a rusty screwdriver tonight.


Kyle Wagner:

Dysfunctional! They probably didn't even have dads! Or moms, even. Products of no-parent households in the projects, where life is cheap and produced through some base manner of cellular mitosis. Thank god Coach K was there to impart a little class on those boys. He's like a father to his players, you know.


Albert Burneko:

[bickering, fighting, swords being drawn]

Coach K: [stands]

Coach K: I will take the Dream Team to China... though I do not know the way.


[Lord of the Rings music swells]

Tommy Craggs:

That "dysfunctional" is why everyone hates you.

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