Sports News Without Access, Favor, Or Discretion

So the Lakers rolled out their "actually, bad basketball is cool and good" strategy again last night in Phoenix; accordingly, they got their wheels knocked off, losing 119-99 in a game that somehow makes even that score seem deceptively close.

As we pointed out yesterday, nothing currently going on in sports is quite as amazing and dumb and hilarious as the bad basketball the Lakers are playing deliberately, because Byron Scott actually wants them to, because he thinks it's good. Here is their batshit insane shot chart from last night:


My god, my god. That's 26 combined shots from the basket area and three-point territory (the two most efficient areas to shoot from), and fucking forty (40) (FORTYYYYY!!!!11!1!) deep two-point jumpers, the dumbest and most useless shots. The Lakers did this on purpose! This is how their coach wants them to play basketball!

I really cannot emphasize enough just how hilariously, gloriously self-defeating this is. This is like an MLB team declaring that it will only sacrifice bunt, or that its pitchers are not allowed to throw strikes anymore. It is like an NFL team announcing that it will only throw backward passes, or donating one of its linemen to the defense. It is like a tennis player switching to an all-lob strategy. It is the dumbest thing. God, I love it so much.

There are signs that Kobe Bryant is aware of how paste-munchingly stupid this is. Last night, he cranked up 25 shots—more than three times as many shots as any other Laker starter—in only 28 minutes; he's figured out that if the Lakers are going to tie their own shoelaces together every night, he might as well win a scoring title. Below is Kobe's personal shot chart; it is a marvel of ridiculousness:


[laughs for 72 uninterrupted minutes]

Never change, Lakers. Never.

Shot charts via

Photo via Getty

Share This Story

Get our newsletter