Sports News Without Fear, Favor or Compromise
Sports News Without Fear, Favor or Compromise

Cristiano Ronaldo's Beef With The Head Of FIFA Is So Dumb

Widely loathed shadowy mastermind/FIFA president Sepp Blatter recently caused trouble when he made an appearance in front of England's Oxford Union, where he was asked to make a choice: Lionel Messi or Cristiano Ronaldo?


Obviously, the move here was for Blatter to play coy or choose Messi, who is and should be the default answer, so it isn't a big deal that Blatter picked the Argentine. Where he likely fucked up was in expounding on the choice.

"Lionel Messi is a good boy that every father and every mother would like to have at home," Blatter started off. OK. He later called him "a kind man" and "a good boy" before adding, almost as an afterthought, "and he plays well and scores goals."

"Now the other one," Blatter continued, now talking about Ronaldo, "is something else. He's like a commander on the field of play." And then, around the two-minute mark in the above video, the president got up out of his seat and performed his best Ronaldo-as-military-commander impression, which consisted of him more or less scowling, grumbling, and marching in place, and simultaneously, perfectly impersonating like Cristiano Ronaldo on the pitch and Hitler Youth.

So dumb. But Ronaldo saw the video, and apparently caught feelings. Earlier today, the Portuguese superstar threw Blatter some old-fashioned Christian shade on his Facebook page, posting the video and writing:

This video shows clearly the respect and consideration that FIFA has for me, for my club and my country. Much is explained now. I wish Mr. Blatter health and a long life, with the certainty that he will continue to witness, as he deserves, the successes of his favourite teams and players.

Oh shit, son! Soccer beef!

What's funny, though, is that Blatter is mostly right. Messi is better than Ronaldo. In fact, Messi, at 26, is likely already better than everyone who has ever considered kicking a soccer ball. And though Ronaldo is closer than anyone other player, there's still daylight between the two.


And Blatter's right about Ronaldo, too! Messi's not going to win any personality awards, but everyone knows Ronaldo is an over-gelled robot who sponsors completely platonic underwear contests for little boys. For all his ability, his facial expression rarely shifts, largely to portray self-satisfaction and petulance. So it's hilarious, but not all that unsurprising, to see him feign outrage for himself, his club, and his country from Blatter's dumb joke at his expense.