Dead Letters: "What Kinda Reporter Uses The Word Ass"

Dead LettersWelcome to Dead Letters, the feature in which we reprint our favorite reader mail. We should take this moment to remind you that all emails to Deadspin and its editors and writers are on the record unless otherwise specified. Now for your letters.  

Subject: (no subject)

From: Randy M.

To: Lauren Theisen

DEADSPIN...WHERE YOU AT?? No grimy ass comments about the Bills today...lol. What they shut you down like they did the Vikings? Even better...they didn’t just shut you down...they shut you the fuck up.

Subject: Are you kidding me

From: Steve R.

To: Lauren Theisen

Hi Lauren:

I do really hope that you get paid to editorialize football teams.

Namely the Bucs.

It’s my opinion that outright calling them garbage is uncalled for.

Do you possess an equally biased neutral position on all NFL football teams, excepting, maybe....Jacksonville?

You are the first sports blogger to liken an entire team as garbage.

Wishing you new journalistic skills as the years unfold.

Best Always

Steve

Sent from my iPhone

Subject: (no subject)

From: [Yahoo email]

To: Lauren Theisen

Another “ me too” lynching. Soon we won’t have trees left to hang the victims of these lying lesbian feminist bitches

Sent from my Blackberry - the most secure mobile device - via the Sprint Network

Subject: Coach K

From: Charlie L.

To: Lauren Theisen

Coach K is a legend who will be remembered forever. You, on the other hand, are a whiney bitter bitch that is an ignoramus.

Subject: Osuna Deadspin

From: Connie W.

To: Lauren Theisen

Hi Lauren ... I strongly object to the use of bad language in your article about Osuna! Primarily the F word! To use such fowl language shows a lack of intellect to use other descriptive words! Remember that many ages have access to read your blogs!

Subject: Choice of words

From: Larry W.

To: Lauren Theisen

Nice article til i saw the word fuck. Why?

USE IT ANY WAY YOU WANT BUT NOT IN PRINT.

Sent from Yahoo Mail on Android

Subject: Ot is time for those little babies grow up on Dodgers dont act like it having temper tantrum brake ur bats throw things hurt other players this is a family event wow that wouldn’t be expected in elementary school why do u let adults act that way showing such bad examples to the other children and young adults that erigante print machado u need to leave the sport if u can’t act like a adult ur a spoiled bitch dude

From: [sbcglobal.net email]

To: Lauren Theisen

Sent from my Verizon, Samsung Galaxy smartphone

Subject: Blue Lives matter and the Penguins

From: Jason J.

To: Lauren Theisen

What a terrible , misleading, article. How do you still have a job? I wonder how many people actually read it? I was on the crapper so had to. A shame I didn’t have it in actual print, it would have served a good purpose for the situation I was in.

Subject: “for some reason”

From: [Gmail email]

To: Lauren Theisen

Ummm...I’ll take “because 4 cops were shot doing something no millennial liberal “journalist” would do for $35k a year by any means” for a MILLION, Alex?

Shut your fucking cock warmer you dumbass,

Subject: Facts

From: Sal and Marcia P.

To: Lauren Theisen

Dear Lauren,

That’s not what that flag stands for. Please do some research.

Amazed!?!

Subject: Pittsburg Penquins (sic)

From: Terry T.

To: Lauren Theisen

You liberals are really something else.

I grew up in a newspaper family where my grandfather taught me about how the press should act.

He would not only laugh at you and your type of “reporting” but would be ashamed that you would have the nerve to call yourself a journalist.

President Trump has done more the Jews than any president I can remember – yet you will look and even make up – if you have to – stuff to make him look bad.

He had NOTHING to do with the shooting in Pittsburgh and you know it.

Trump will be re=elected and you will have LOST again.

Subject: Liberal bullshit

From: Damon C.

To: Lauren Theisen

Your article on the Pittsburgh Pirates was A LOAD OF OF LIBERAL ONE SIDED BULLSHIT!!!

YOU AND YOUR LIBERAL MEDIA ARE WHAT IS DESTROYING AMERICA

NOT OUR AMERICAN LOVING PRESIDENT!!!

STOP THE HATE

WALKAWAY!!!!

Subject: You are a piece of shit.

From: Ed B.

To: Lauren Theisen

Plain and simple, you are a sorry ass piece of shit. Where were you when cops were being shot going after that killer scumbag? Those cops were running TOWARD the gunfire and you, a COWARD, just like every other pansy cop-hater out there would have been hiding behind a bush crying like the little coward that you are.

The sad part……..those cops you just condemned, would STILL run toward gunfire to save your sorry ass.

Subject: Ass team of the week

From: Job K.

To: tips@deadspin.com

Are you fucking serious with the article by Tom Ley (ass team of the week) You are a sorry sack of shit and have now disliked article, unfollowed and will never read another article from you clowns again. Distasteful pricks and won’t recommend this garbage to anyone. Hope Tom gets his jaw broken.

Subject: Brock Osweiler

From: @divindanny

To: Gabe Fernandez (via Instagram DM)

I found you through an article on kinja and I was so frustrated after reading your article that I searched and found you just so I could tell you how dumb and ignorant you are. You are a loser who’s critiquing players and teams like you could do a better job yourself. You don’t know shit about sports and probably have never even played past little league, if that. Wether you have or haven’t I really don’t give a shit so don’t waste your time telling me you have. Point is, people like you writing slander articles and calling yourself a professional journalist is a fucking joke. Oh and Miami won so suck it nerd.

Subject: Curt Schilling piece

From: Christopher S.

To: Samer Kalaf

Read your article. Do you ever actually read Schilling’s comments and explore them, such as the one you where you mentioned the Jewish founders of Breitbart? Or do you not like what you hear and, instead, try to throw labels on him?

Who in the fuck are you boy? You’re a fucking writer. He is a baseball, living-legend. I hope that Curt Schilling reads this piece, recognizes the disparity in life and achievement between you and him, goes to your place of business, and bends you over and sticks your keyboard up your ass sideways.

Argue him back with what he says. You’re a eunuch.

Chris

Subject: Shilling

From: [comcast.net email]

To: Samer Kalaf

The man is a Republican, and a Democrat like you calling him a right wing nut job. Typical Democrat statement. STUPIDITY us definitely on your side!

Sent from my Verizon, Samsung Galaxy smartphone

Subject: (no subject)

From: Chick Meech

To: Samer Kalaf

Just thought you should know, your article on Schilling shows what a libertad jerk you are!

Subject: (no subject)

From: Ron T.

To: Samer Kalaf

It was a bad game. But what kinda reporter uses the word ass. Im a college football fan. Watch all games. And you might be example of how people today just blurt out and trash on social media. Keep up the bad articles. You definitely need a new job. Ron.

(Note: Kinja formatting does not show that Ron used four spaces after every period.)

Subject: Low life

From: [Gmail email]

To: Samer Kalaf

Boy, you’re disgusting. Some filthy Godless Foreigner. Your mother did a s***** job of raising you with no spirituality whatsoever. You’re just another worthless left-wing hateful f***. Gawd I hate your guts. You should repent, piece of s***. But if you don’t, I really don’t care. Filthy piece of s***.

Sent via the Samsung Galaxy S7, an AT&T 4G LTE smartphone

Subject: (no subject)

From: Mathew S.

To: Samer Kalaf

Your the Jackass! Freedom of speech for all left wing rat ass!

Subject: U a goofy bitch brining up d rose case while the man fighting for success u a clown ass bitch nigga

From: Devontae J.

To: Chris Thompson

(no text)

Subject: Fuck you

From: Michelle P.

To: Chris Thompson

Howdy and fuck you also. Simple jack is funny as was the whole movie. It was politically incorrect and FUCK YOU if you didnt like it. Its parody, humor, and to you, inconsiderate. But not everyone has to think like and live like you do cause FUCK your identity politics. You wanna argue the thing through I’m in Vegas and we can discuss it the next time you are in town. I’ll be sure to wear my high heels so you feel like a total bitch since you arent a man. Write me back if you are brave in ANY WAY and I’ll make sure you find out your opinion ain’t shit you skidmark hahahaha

Subject: Suck any dick lately?

From: Al R.

To: Chris Thompson

Wow...”heroic”, “superhuman”...for throwing a football (for millions of dollars a year...in lieu of actually contributing anything to society)? Are you a faggot or what?

Subject: Language in articles

From: Dillon L.

To: Megan Greenwell

Hello I would like to complain about Laura Wagner. She uses middle school language in her articles and her articles aren’t even on relevant topics. She swears and uses inappropriate language in almost every article she writes. She has a lot of anger inside I hope she gets help.

She can’t even write an article that itches that part of your brain to make you interested. Her articles are boring and uninformative. I’m surprised that she even still works there. You guys are better than this!

Thank you

Subject: I’m out of the office. Re: Language In articles

From: Megan Greenwell

To: Dillon L.

Hi,

I’m out of both the office and the country, with limited access to email, until October 21. If you have Deadspin business before then, please email our deputy editor, Barry Petchesky, at barryp@deadspin.com. If you’re emailing with a pitch, send it to pitches@deadspin.com (this is, in fact, the best email address for pitches even when I am here!). If you need me specifically, I’ll get back to you as soon as I can once I’m back.

Thanks,

Megan

Subject: Re: I’m out of the office. Re: Language In articles

From: Dillon L.

To: Megan Greenwell

Ohh sorry I didn’t know it was your goal to be toxic cunts. In that case you guys at deadspin seem to be doing a great job. You make Donald trump look the the pope. HAHAHAHAHAHAH