Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and internets to bring you everything you need to know to start your day.
•In case you turned off Sunday Night Football at halftime, here's what you missed: nothing. Peyton and the Colts spanked Eli and the Giants, while Cooper...I dunno, invested in energy or something. And one lucky fan caught Brandon Jacobs's helmet, purportedly hurled in anger. He held on for dear life, while fans around him kept their cool. As you can see. (Thanks to Alex for the screengrab. He wants to make sure you noticed the "enhanced stitching" on that lady's jersey.)
•Peter King says the Vikings are in crisis mode and Brett Favre can't possibly win with just one good receiver. You know one QB who somehow did? Chad Henne, who beat Favre and the Vikes, and managed not to throw three INTs in the process.
•Remember how the Nuggets were going to trade Carmelo Anthony, but then they weren't going to? Well now it looks like maybe they will again. Unless they don't.
•Michigan State sneaks into the top 25, and all it took was a minor heart attack for Mark Dantonio. If that's what it takes, expect Penn State to be in the top 10 before the season's out.
•The Rangers' Hartford AHL affiliate is changing its name to the "Whale." Not quite the return we were hoping for, but here's some Brass Bonanza anyway.
Yeah, yeah, we're here.