Mark:

What would happen if, like in movies, someone from the past or future showed up in the present day? Would they be shunned or could they say/do something for society to believe them? I think a Donald Trump tweet suffice for some people. What about scenarios like Big or Freaky Friday, where people change bodies?

Advertisement

I think this past or future person would get institutionalized, incarcerated, or shot, unfortunately. It brings me no joy to tell you this is what I think.

Cameron:

Assuming I live for 50 more years will I ever see the shopping cart improvement that stops that one god damn front tire from vibrating and pulling me off to the side?!? My great grandma had to deal with this shit, I shouldn’t have to!

Advertisement

Cameron, I hear your frustration! Not to minimize it, but you are lucky to shop at a supermarket large enough to accommodate a shopping cart. My local supermarket is small and chaotic, aisles narrow. I pull around a rolling basket, dejected. Half a woman. I long for the wide open aisles of a spacious supermarket. When I am shopping in such a setting—say, the Super Stop & Shop in Yonkers, which contains a florist and a pharmacy, or the Fairway Market in Douglaston, Queens, which sells 50 varieties of olives and makes bagels on the premise—there is no way a faulty tire could bring me down.

But to answer your question, I think that the wheel carts are going to stick around until all the supermarkets close because Amazon has wiped them out, replaced by terrible drones zipping through the sky to bring you shit from a warehouse staffed by workers making low, non-union wages. If this comes to pass, you will miss the subtle vibration of a wheel moving off its track and the gentle forearm flex required to right it. Do you remember the feeling of picking up a landline as a teenager? The need to shout, “Mom, phone!” from across the room? You will miss it like you miss that.

Advertisement

Kevin:

I don’t watch much basketball during the season, but with a break in the NHL playoffs I popped on the Warriors vs. Rockets last night and was AMAZED at how long Kevin Durant’s arms are. So the question is, How much of his own back can Kevin Durant lotion? And besides him, which athlete do you think can lotion the greatest % of their back themselves? No tools, hands only obviously. For me (the slightly less than average man) based on sun burnt back incidents I probably cover about 52% of my own back. This also brings up a disturbing thought that most people are relying solely on water to wash their backs since they surely cannot reach and soap the entire area. We’re all walking around with filthy backs, except of course Kevin Durant, who I’m sure can perfectly soap, scrub and rinse his entire back.

Advertisement

My arms are average length, and I have a small but proportional back in terms of the rest of my body. I attempted this at home, and here are my findings: I can reach probably 97 percent of my back. Can Kevin Durant reach 97 percent of his back, minus the sliver of upper middle back that requires a kind of desperate side-hand to reach? I doubt it. I do yoga and gentle strength training with some regularity, which I believe helps comfortably extend my reach. Eat shit, Kevin Durant!!!!!

Ryan:

How long until one of those surprise carpool game shows like “Carpool Karaoke” or “Cash Cab” has a wreck and all future carpool game shows are cancelled?

Advertisement

I don’t believe tragedy on its own is much of a force here. In the event of a terrible accident, there would have to be a mass movement to help bring about the end of Carpool Karaoke and other car-based shows. Targeting advertisers, perhaps. Maybe seizing the CBS studios. I guess, then, that the answer to this question depends on all of us, Ryan. If tragedy strikes, and James Corden continues to drive recklessly, how long could we stand it before taking action?

Email of the week!

Taylor:

How long is it before restaurants/diners/etc should stop advertising the fact that they were on Food Network or whatever? I ask because I live near Philadelphia, where there’s a big farmer’s market on the outskirts of the city, and one of the stalls there has a sign that says they were on some TV food show in 2000, and that’s a prominent part of that stall’s advertising. Is there anyone nowadays who has realistically seen a rerun of that show and gone “Honey, you know where we should go?”

Advertisement

Occasionally, often in times of stress, I watch reruns of Diners, Drive-Ins, and Dives as a kind of sedative. Some dating back to 2010, 2011. Many of the places featured have no doubt since closed down. Still, last summer, before a trip to Boston, I said these exact words to my boyfriend: “I wonder if I’ll have time to go to the taco place from Diners, Drive-Ins, and Dives.” Can you leave the name of this food stall in the comments? I might visit.