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Dolphins Not Liable For Future Damages, So You Know

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We don't mean to imply that the Miami Dolphins are covering their tailfeathers a bit with Marcus "New Mexico" Vick, whom they just signed to a free agent contract, but here's what was included in the official press release about the signing.

"I want to make it very clear that we will not condone any behavior issues in the future relative to Marcus Vick," said Dolphins Head Coach Nick Saban. "Marcus acknowledges that he has made some mistakes, all of which has resulted in severe consequences for him. They have helped him learn that he will need to make much better choices and decisions in the future or risk similar consequences that could jeopardize his career as a professional player. As an organization, we did an enormous amount of research, including consulting with professionals in detailed, in-depth analysis to feel comfortable that giving Marcus an opportunity as a free agent is a risk worth taking. Marcus has made a commitment to this organization and our fans to represent the Miami Dolphins in a first-class manner."


It is to the Dolphins' credit that they resisted the temptation to add: "So, say, if, hypothetically speaking, our young quarterback/wide receiver/return specialist happened to, we dunno, pull out a couple guns on some kids at a McDonald's, we would like to note that our in-detailed, in-depth analysis could not have forseen such an incident. Though if this hypothetical future were to take place, we would not condone it. That's clear, right? Cool. If, however, they ever invent rocket packs in the future, we would totally condone those, because we've been waiting forever for rocket packs."

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