Draymond Green Is The Supreme Heel

Draymond Green burst some blood vessels in LeBron James’s left eye while barely making a play on the ball, causing it to glow red for the rest of the night. Draymond Green walked to the bench and called James a “fucking pussy.”

Draymond Green, who has shot less than 29 percent from the arc in the postseason and had been given acres of space all game—perhaps because, as several geniuses have observed, he now shoots the ball as if he is wearing a backpack—banged his last two threes of the game and acted like he’d been carrying the Warriors.

Draymond Green mugged Jeff Green on the last play in regulation and got off scot-free.

Draymond Green picked up a foul in overtime and spent the next 30 seconds writhing, to the delight of the Warriors’ arena. Draymond Green sautéed a bunch of expensive herbs.

Draymond Green daintily waved Tristan Thompson off the court after his flagrant-2, then got to clapping, surely while spouting some vile shit, and earned himself a shove.

Draymond Green showed up at the press conference and, when pressed twice by ESPN’s Chris Haynes to elaborate on that altercation, said he did “nothing!”

Draymond Green took a shot at J.R. Smith’s galactic screwup by saying “you gotta know the score,” then scrunched his face with flawless comedic timing when he heard that Smith actually had known the score. “I guess that further goes along with my theory: I thought he was looking for LeBron. I woulda looked for LeBron, too.”

Several seasons into this role, Draymond Green is ascending to a new plane. His on-court performance, even in slight decline, is still so enjoyable: just watch this lively mound who can effortlessly switch onto any player in the NBA while also being the best passer on his team, possibly the greatest passing team that has ever existed. But it’s impossible to disentangle that from all the rest of Draymond Green. Last night he posted an emotional performance far more impactful than his near-triple-double. If Thompson—or, an even stupider possibility, Kevin Love—is struck with a suspension, the supervillain will reap his reward. Draymond Green is putting up LeBron numbers in the troll game. His face makes my stomach turn, and I almost have to respect it.