Early NBA season superlatives: Let’s hope this version of the Knicks lasts longer than ‘Bing bong!’

The NBA is too deep for teams to flat-out suck anymore, and it’s also not a prerequisite to getting a shot at Victor Wembanyama as the bottom three teams have the same odds for the No. 1 pick. The Thunder weren’t an easy W until they really started tanking and making up injuries late in the 2021-22 campaign.

The 3-1 Spurs are led by Keldon Johnson and Devin Vassell, but Gregg Popovich plays a little bit of everyone with nobody getting more than 32 minutes per night. They’ve already caught Philadelphia and Minnesota sleeping, and I guess Indiana, too, if that franchise isn’t already sleepwalking. Bonus points for rookie Jeremy Sochan, who was definitely the eclectic-looking player most likely to be a really effective Spur going into the draft.

Whichever franchise you want to pick — the Jets or the Giants — both work. They’re overachieving and one could even make the playoffs. The Knicks also had a good offseason, and are turning into a balanced, but ultimately limited team.

They’ve got a bunch of guys who play defense, and the addition of Jalen Brunson gives New York a leading point guard who’s not Derrick Rose. Julius Randle is playing better now that he knows he’s not an All-NBA guy, and eventually, R.J. Barrett will shoot above 34 percent from the field. While Obi Toppin still sits atop the list of players averaging 16 minutes or less who are most likely to be featured on House of Highlights, at least the Cam Reddish trade doesn’t look like a fleecing (at least not right now).

I think most of what leads to viral blowups on First Take is Stephen A. being asked about an abysmal franchise repeatedly, without anything new to offer. How many times can we have the Russell Westbrook discussion before he self-combusts?

We’ll soon find out because Russ is going to continue to keep getting blamed for these losses, and Rob Pelinka’s trade offers will continue getting rebuked until he gives up a draft pick or hypnotizes another GM. And, of course, we have to talk about the Lakers because they’re the Lakes, and LeBron James is there, which is a large reason why I even made up a superlative for them.

If you were wondering how the Portland Trail Blazer star is doing in his return from surgery to repair a nagging ab injury that prematurely ended his campaign a season ago, Dame Time earned player of the week honors for the Western Conference, leading Portland to a 3-0 (now 4-0) record while tallying back-to-back 41-point games in the opening days of the year.

After going 1-for-8 from three on opening night in Sacramento, he’s 15-for-32 from distance over the past three games, including a signature, wrist-tapping, step-back triple over Lonnie Walker to put the Blazers ahead by 2 with a dozen or so ticks remaining in Sunday’s win against the Lakers.

SLIDE #5Player most likely to prompt an existential crisis from a teammate: James Harden

Like that friend who can get you to swallow, inhale, inject, or snort whatever drug they hand you, Daryl Morey has enabled James Harden once again. Among players with 75 or more touches, the Beard’s 5.7 seconds per touch is the fifth longest in the NBA behind Luka Doncic, Trae Young, Ja Morant, and Donovan Mitchell.

Nikola Jokic leads the league in touches, but his 2.64 seconds average is more than a full second less than anyone else in the top 10. Harden is No. 2 in touches, and he’s already had 97.8. That means out of the 192 minutes the 76ers have played, Harden has been dribbling between his legs for 9 minutes and 21 seconds of them. After 20 or so starts, he will have dribbled the ball for a full 48 minutes of game time.

Joel Embiid didn’t talk to the media after the second game of the season, and he’s been mopey even for him. Last year’s MVP runner-up is sandwiched above his former teammate, Ben Simmons, and below Anfernee Simons for total touches on the season, which is as alarming as it is depressing. Philly is 1-3, and we’re on pace for 1,573 “Embiid looks miserable” stories, and I can’t say I blame him.