In honor of The New York Times spreading the gospel of Bill Simmons (and, to a lesser extent, us) to gay men and unmarried thirtysomething women everywhere in the Fashion & Styles section this weekend, we present you the first-ever Wedding section of Deadspin, which, as "The Sopranos" pointed out, is like the sports pages for girls.
Cardinals scrappy shortstop David Eckstein, the smallest baseball player in captivity, is marrying "Blue Collar TV" star Jeff Foxworthy. Wait. Sorry. Wrong "Blue Collar TV" star: We mean Ashley Drane, because apparently they're letting women on that show now. You can get your fix of girly wedding bliss here — and that photo implies that Drane is about three feet tall — though there's no report as to whether or not Eckstein, upon entering the chapel, sprinted to the aisle, head down, hustling all the way.