ESPN Trots Out Matt Millen To Fumble His Way Through The Freeh Report

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On a day like today, you can find any number of fine journalistic outlets that are covering the Freeh report in painstaking, intelligent detail. You can follow Sara Ganim, who has already won a Pulitzer Prize for her diligence on the Sandusky scandal. Or you can follow Yahoo's Dan Wetzel, who is pulling out the topline items from the Report as quickly as he can. And then... then, there is ESPN, which has covered the Sandusky scandal with all that grace and subtlety of an armless man trying to wipe himself. On one of the more important days of the scandal, some fuckhead at ESPN decided that the best thing to do was trot out a barely conscious Matt Millen, who clearly didn't read any of the Freeh report or seemingly any quotes from it, to bumblefuck his way through an analysis of the situation. The video you see above deserves to win some kind of award for non-insight. It's barely in fucking English.

The whole problem begins with anchor Lindsay Czarniak asking Millen, "What are your emotions right now?" First of all, WHO GIVES A FLYING FUCK ABOUT MATT MILLEN'S EMOTIONS? I can't think of anyone whose emotions I need to hear about less. Scores of kids were brutally raped and an entire institution went out of its way to perpetuate it. Oh, I know! Let's see how this makes Matt Millen FEEL. I know many of those children have been destroyed forever. But what about YOU, Matty? Are you okay?


"First, there's so much, it's hard to process all that."

No. No, it's not hard at all to process. In fact, the Freeh report has already processed it for you clearly and succinctly: "The most powerful men at Penn State failed to take any steps for 14 years to protect the children who Sandusky victimized." There you go. BOOM! Processed. Very easy to do if you have an IQ above room temperature.


"We knew there was something amiss."

No, we knew kids were being molested. There's no need for soft-pedaling there. Are we certain that Millen wasn't supposed to be doing this analysis for Nick Jr.? Because I'm sure that he would have done a great job of whitewashing the OJ Trial for children as well. "Well, we knew that there was something of a rift that night on Bundy Drive."

"This just kinda puts the finger on the point of blame."

I know that this is live television, and not everything people say on live television will be 100 percent articulate 100 percent of the time. But this is SHIT. This is nothing. This is less than nothing. You may as well show footage of a pig eating a watermelon, because it's as valuable as what Millen has just said. In fact, screw that. Gimme Watermelon Pig any day.


"I think back to stuff that Coach Paterno himself would tell us... talk to us about, and that's be responsible, be accountable to what your actions are, what you did or failed to do."

You know, when I think back on Joe Paterno's glaring negligence, I think we should all heed the advice of JOE PATERNO, who followed none of his own canned bullshit advice.


"They're pointing the finger right now, so take responsibility, be accountable. Right now it's the blame game."

No. Not a blame game. Here's a blame game for you:

ADULT: Who broke this?

CHILD: Well, Rudy started it!

RUDY: No, I didn't! Dadddddddd! She's lying!

There's a Blame Game. This, on the other hand, is officially sanctioned blame. No one is disputing who's to blame here. There's a 267-page report (which you didn't even skim) that states clearly, BLAME THESE ASSHOLES. So hard to process, gang!


"The top of that thing, the top of every organization, it stops at the top."

Yes, and thank you for that, you fucking butt steak. So who do we blame for ESPN allowing this man to throw up his own tongue on national TV? We all know something is amiss. How could ethical television executives allow this to go on FOR SO LONG? Who keeps covering up for all of Matt Millen's previous malapropisms? Where do we put the finger on the point of blame? If you ask me, I think back to what Matt Millen himself taught us... It stops at the top.


Read all our coverage of the Freeh report here.