Football Page 1337 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
In Which Will Carroll, At The Bottom Of The Sea, Hits Himself With A Hammer
To protect his brittle ribs and gooey lung center, Tony Romo will suit up with a flak jacket made of Kevlar. But if you're like me, you're wondering: how exactly does one use Kevlar to protect oneself? Well, let me tell you: you put it between you and the thing hitting you....
This Evening: Erin Andrews Gets Ready For Game Day At WVU
Your p.m. roundup for Sept. 23, the day we were reminded again to update our Facebook privacy settings. H/T to Michael for the photo. Got any stories or photos for us? Tip your editors....
Craig James And Jesse Palmer Share A Moment
The broadcast partnership that dare not speak its name. [From reader Lucas]...
The Fake Outrage Over Fake Injuries; Or, How To Piss On An NFL Sideline Without Anyone Seeing
Faking injuries in the NFL is a time-honored method of stopping the momentum of an opponent and giving your own team a much-needed breather. It's like calling a timeout in basketball when the other team is on a big run. Since football doesn't have the luxury of all those silly 20-second timeouts, th...
Orlando "Zeus" Brown, Tackle Best Known For Suing The NFL After Taking A Penalty Flag In His Eye, Dead At 40
Brown, who spent most of his career with the Ravens, got hit with Jeff Triplette's flag while playing for the Browns in 1999. He missed nearly four seasons and received a $15-20 million settlement from the NFL....
Ohio Bobcats Get Black Jerseys, Completely Lose Their Shit
Skip ahead to the 1:10 mark or so and watch as Ohio football players learn via video that they'll be wearing black jerseys this season. Much whooping ensues. One guy rolls around on the floor. Another raises his arms in supplication to the glory of Russell Athletic. This is the jock equivalent of ...
Football Is Even More Exciting With A Spanish Announcer
This is LarryLarryLarryLarry Fitzgerald's 73-yard touchdown from Sunday, as exuberantly described by Gabriel Trujillo of 710 ESPN Deportes Radio in Phoenix. It contains the cadences of a soccer call, and about 800 times the excitement due a Cardinals/Redskins game. [AZCardinals.com]...
Bill Belichick, Terror Of The High Seas, On Roller Skates
Your morning roundup for Sept. 23, the day we learned Einstein might have been wrong about that whole theory of relativity jazz. Photo courtesy Larry Brown Sports, via @xmasape. Got any stories or photos for us? Tip your editors....
ESPN's Jenn Brown Doesn't Think Highly Of Bitch Butch Jones
The perils of live sideline reporting are such that even if you catch yourself calling a coach named Butch a bitch (as in, Jones of Cincinnati), a lot of people notice. And giggle. And take video of it and send it in to websites that may or may not post a six-second snippet of said slip....
The Cincinnati Bearcats Think The Cincinnati Bearcats Logo Is Worthy Of Being Protected By Velvet Rope
Welcome to Cincy's most exclusive night club....
Jamaal Charles Takes A Ride On The Fantasy Meat Wagon
There's an ad on the front page of NFL.com now. It shows Jamaal Charles being carted off with a torn ACL, near tears. His health, shot. His livelihood, threatened (only about 35 percent of his contract is guaranteed money). The Chiefs' season, shot....
SprtsCntr: Coming To You Live From Michael Vick's Hippocampus
What is ESPN prattling on about right now? We condense your morning SportsCenter to its essence....
Cops: A Couple Of Pounds Of Marijuana Got Shipped To The Home Where Two Cincinnati Bengals Live
"An operation by state narcotics agents that tracked a shipment of high-grade marijuana from Northern California led police to a suburban Kentucky house and two National Football League players, law enforcement authorities said. Cincinnati Bengals teammates Jerome Simpson and Anthony Collins, both ...
The Vince Young Imposter Has Been Breaking Hearts All Over D.C.
The Washington Times has the story on Stephan Pittman, the registered sex offender from Maryland who's been conning women by posing as Vince Young: "'He brought a bear and flowers for my friend,' Denisse said. 'He was such a good actor. But half my heart didn't believe him.'" [Washington Times]...
How Dan Snyder Is The Elvis Of NFL Owners
Yes, you may have read recently that Washington Redskins owner dismissed his dumbass libel lawsuit against the Washington City Paper after admitting that he had never read the story in question. Craggs suggested this was because Dan Snyder was a "churlish little shitbag vulgarian." But perhaps he is...
What If HGH Could Cure Peyton Manning?
We're doing a season-long NFL roundtable with our friends at Slate. Check back here each week as a rotating cast of football watchers discusses the weekend's key plays, coaching decisions, and traumatic brain injuries....
NFL Sends Strongly-Worded Memo To Teams Telling Them To Stop Faking Injuries, Please
The league has already said they won't discipline Deon Grant or the Giants for their mysterious incapacitation that just happened to stall the Rams' no-huddle offense on Monday night. An NFL spokesman admitted there's no way to prove when injuries are fake, so unless a player admits their duplicit...
Terry Bradshaw Looks Like He'd Rather Be Watching "The View"
Your morning roundup for Sept. 21, the day we learned it's best not to walk the dog by driving a truck. Photo courtesy @PaulPabst, via Last Angry Fan. Got any stories or photos for us? Tip your editors....
Feed Me To The Detroit Lions!
We're doing a season-long NFL roundtable with our friends at Slate. Check back here each week as a rotating cast of football watchers discusses the weekend's key plays, coaching decisions, and traumatic brain injuries....
Purple Drank And The Secret Of NFL Quarterbacking
We're doing a season-long NFL roundtable with our friends at Slate. Check back here each week as a rotating cast of football watchers discusses the weekend's key plays, coaching decisions, and traumatic brain injuries....