Football Page 1488 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Terrell Owens, Comedian
I did not see last night's "Late Show with David Letterman" (so late!) so I missed this appearance by everyone's favorite vaudeville joke-maker and occasional wide receiver Terrell Owens. We also lost our copy of "Little T Learns To Share," but we think this Top Ten list sends pretty much the same m...
Understanding The NFL Fine System (Hint: You Can't)
Last week, New York Giants defensive end Justin Tuck was fined $7,500 for a hit that pretty much everyone on the planet—except for the referee who a threw a flag at him—agreed was a textbook tackle. The commissioner's office felt this was a perfectly reasonable response as part of its effort to prot...
University Of Georgia Girl Vs. Bathroom Stall ... The Final Conflict
Of all the titanic college football matchups — like Ohio State vs. Michigan, Miami vs. Florida State, Texas vs. Oklahoma — there is one that is often overlooked. It's University of Georgia chick vs. bathroom stall. Come with us now into the women's restroom at Sanford Stadium, where the age-old conf...
There Are More Favres Around Than You Think, America
Yes, Dylan Favre here, a junior at St. Stanislaus High in Mississippi, is related to Brett Favre. He's a nephew, and evidently pretty good, for his size. Favre the Lesser set the state's single-season record for TD passes at 43 last week in his team's regular-season finale, throwing for five scores ...
The Patriots Public Relations Department Has Had a Busy Week
Poor Stacey James. Fresh off of the Caitlin Davis fiasco from last week, the Patriots executive director of PR has found himself answering more uncomfortable questions about persons loosely affiliated with the team. This week, it's Marblehead High School Coach, Doug Chernovetz (pictured), who was aw...
Barack Obama Will Not Take Away Your Ties Or Your Hair
I don't remember where I saw it, but about a year-and-a-half ago, in one of those "Hey, there's a cool black guy running for President!" stories, the writer posited that Barack Obama, if he were to somehow win (crazy!), would have something immediately in common with John F. Kennedy: He could destro...
Ashley Stewart Sues Larry Johnson, Poses In Wetlands Area
As if Larry Johnson didn't have enough problems — he's returning to active duty this Sunday for the tragic factory fire that is the Kansas City Chiefs — now he's being sued. Johnson allegedly spit on this woman, Ashley Stewart, during an altercation in a Kansas City nightclub last month, so she's ta...
Obama Received No Mandate In Death Valley
Got an image you'd like to see in here first thing in the morning? Send it to [email protected]. Subject : Morning crap Lest we think that LSU fans were totally focused on hating Nick Saban and Alabama this past Saturday, please remember that The Pelican State is also very red. Can a lone fan cry ou...
Time To Party With The 49ers And Cardinals
Only a couple of hours or so until Leitch's Arizona Buzzsaw square off against my San Francisco Forty-Niners, and the big question remains: Who will be the first tonight to remove his pants inappropriately, Matt Leinart or Mike Singletary? Judging from the photo, Matt gets the presumptive nod, espec...
Ha! I Can Never Be Tackl ... Ohhh, Mommy!
This youngster here is obviously a fan of the classic, straight-ahead running style of now-retired Dolphins running back Larry Csonka. Ouch. I should have listened to mom when she suggested beginning golf. The question is, which hit was bigger: This one, or the one levied by the Eagles' Chris Goc...
College Football Roundup: The Hailey and Hanna Nutt Edition
In honor of BCS clarity arriving (thanks to Iowa we now know that the Big 12 will play the SEC for all the gold in Zimbabwe—that isn't already smuggled to Zurich), we bring you two striking young lasses who recently transferred from Arkansas to rejoin their daddy at Ole Miss. Meet Hailey and Hanna ...
Alabama-LSU: A Friendly Game Of Murder
What a game, huh!? The No. 1 team in the country was taken to overtime on Saturday, the atmosphere was electric, clothes were burned and everyone had a good old SEC time! Well, except for a couple of LSU fans who maybe got a little too carried away by the emotions of the day and ended up the victims...
Suddenly, Tyler Thigpen Is So Much More Than Just a Skeleton-Molesting Nobody
The Kansas City Chiefs are mired in a classic rebuilding season but the last three weeks the team has shown remarkable improvement on offense, most notably third-string quarterback Tyler Thigpen. The former Coastal Carolina quarterback has responded with some eye-opening output in his last three gam...
Offer LSU Kids Free Beer And They'll Burn Anything
On Saturday we posted about LSU fans burning Nick Saban in effigy, which seemed rather hateful and extreme, even for them. Turns out, though, that it was all a promotion for a Baton Rouge condominium company, which provided free food and beer for the students to show up. Corporate schmucks promote h...
Your Last NFL Update: The Autumn Wind Is Named Tuiasosopo
Carolina 14, Oakland 6, 4th Quarter. Jake Delhomme's four picks have kept this a one-score game. But the Raiders haven't been able to punch it in and have settled for a couple Janikowski field goals. DeAngelo Williams has 105 yards rushing, including a 69-yard touchdown run. Andrew Walter rolled his...
Feet Shouldn't Be Pointing That Way
Thanks to PFT who finally found an embeddable video of the gruesome leg injury suffered by the Vikes' Charles Gordon. If you've eaten within the last hour, you may want to pass on this for now. There's no update on Gordon's status, but one could make the assumption after viewing that his season — at...
NFL Update 4: Your 4 PM Updates And 1 PM Finals
Pittsburgh 14, Indianapolis 7. The Steeler defense has been fucking with Peyton Manning's world in a most beautiful way. Their coverage and pressure have been sublime, and Reggie Wayne just came up limping after making a first down catch. Aside from a missed tackle that led to a long Reggie Wayne TD...
NFL Update 3: Let's Hear It For Relocated Ligaments!
The one thing I don't understand about the NFL's weekly schedule: Why have 42 games at 1 o'clock and then just three games at 4 o'clock? Are the late games there purely for adding more hours of football to the day? The matchups are typically better (though probably not this week), which would entice...
NFL Update 2: It's A Brett Favre Nation
New York Jets 40, St. Louis 3, 3rd Q. This game is pretty much over. The wisdom of Pro Football Prospectus tells us that kicking the shit out of crappy teams can be a better indicator of talent than winning close games against good teams. That's good news for the Jets, and this game can also serve ...
NFL Update 1: Cassel Smash!
New England 10, Buffalo 3, 2nd Q. Matt Cassel ran for a TD and they're driving down the field to get another score as the half winds down. The Pats' leading rusher is BenJarvus Green-Ellis, and yes, that's the name of only one person. Baltimore 7, Houston 3, 2nd Q. Sage Rosenfels has already thrown ...