Football Page 1572 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Oh, You Didn't Forget About Kyle, Did You?
He might not drink like a champion, but his efforts have nevertheless clearly reached the level of "epic" and "historic" in recent years. His name is Kyle Orton. He is but one man, but his achievements will outlast us all....
Join Terrell Owens' Special Club
We suppose, in a roundabout way, that it makes sense for fans of Terrell Owens to be fans of Terrell Owens, and Terrell Owens only; rooting for the team that your favorite player T.O. suits up for seems kind of beside the point....
"Facebook Princess" Hits Maxim
Online wankers, your day has come: The long-awaited photo shoot pictures of FSU Cowgirl Jenn Sterger have finally been posted on Maxim's Web site. The photos are as understated and subtle as you would have expected from a Sports Illustrated columnist; the "outfits" consist mostly of dental floss a...
Dhani Jones Has Happy Feet That Can't Be Beat
We have been called a "chronicler of athlete misdeeds," though we think we're a little more optimistic than that; we prefer "chronicle of athlete malfeasance." Or even "athlete tomfoolery." Whichever; pick your poison....
Why Do We Consider The NFL Fun Again?
Anyone who watched the NFL last season ended up captivated by two charismatic, outsized personalities: Clinton Portis and Chad Johnson. Every week, each did something creative, original and undeniably fun; we found ourselves rooting for their on-field exploits much more than we would have otherwis...
You Can Help Injure Terrell Owens. Please, Give All You Can.
Howard Eskin, a sports radio host in Philadelphia, is raising money in order to pay the fine for any Philadelphia Eagle who "takes out" Terrell Owens. The guy who sent in the tip didn't give a definition for "take out," but given the nature of the Philadelphia sports fan, I have to assume that a s...
Because Of Winn-Dixie
A tipster writes in to tell us about New Orleans Saints defensive end Jimmy Verdon's weekend. Evidently, he got hammered and ended up passed out on a bench in front of a Winn-Dixie and then brawled with the cops who tried to wake him up. Police spokesman Capt. James Gallagher explains....
How To Get Yourself Fired, In Two Seconds
Yesterday, St. Louis sports radio station KTRS fired host Dave Linehan after he used a racial slur to describe Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice. The mistake was accidental, but the station felt it had to fire him. We, uh, kind of hate racial slurs around here, but we feel obliged to repeat the ...
USC Still Can't Believe It Lost Either
Boi From Troy has dug up an interesting little nugget: The schedule poster for the upcoming Southern California football team contains the word "ENCORE!" as its theme....
What Is A Lap Dance? You Know, In An Existential Sense, Aren't We All Just God's Lap Dancers?
So the Vikings sex boat trial in Minnesota is going on, like, right now. Well, kind of; former quarterback Daunte Culpepper and fullback Moe Williams are trying to talk a judge into dismissing charges against them. The two players were charged, pretty much, with receiving lap dances, which has spu...
New Mexico's Woes Continue
Bad Jocks has been all over this story, and they've got their confirmation from the NFL Draft Almanac: Apparently Marcus "New Mexico" Vick scored a lowly 11 on his Wonderlic test at the NFL combine last month. That's slightly better than Vince Young's badly graded score, but somehow still lower th...
Get Your T.O. Slice Of Funk
The official Terrell Owens Web site has been playing an odd game of hide-and-seek with its T.O. Cowboys rap. One minute it's on the site, the next minute it's off. We don't know what its deal is....
One Last Draft Handshake For Tagliabue
As had been expected, NFL commissioner Paul Tagliabue announced his retirement this afternoon, effective this July. Tagliabue has been on the job for 15 years, and, while not exactly having the mob boss persona of David Stern or the dopey, semi-clueless car salesman vibe of Bud Selig, has still be...
They Grow Their Quarterbacks Big Down There
We know that everyone is excited about Vanderbilt quarterback Jay Cutler, whom some project being drafted ahead of Texas' Vince Young and possibly even USC's Matt Leinart....
Terrell Owens Can Rap Quicker Than You
In recent months, we have done everything in our power to institute a moratorium on Terrell Owens-related news, if just so that, if we were hit by a bus tomorrow, we would be able to talk to our maker with our pure heart, free of egregious sin....
Culpepper To Spend Plenty Of Time Near Water
The Orlando Sentinel and FOX Sports are reporting that the trade is official: Daunte Culpepper has been traded to the Miami Dolphins....
It's So Hard To Say Goodbye To Yesterday
It is tragic when the grandest of epics end with a whimper, but, alas, when we are blessed with the sublime, it is best not to madden one's self with laments of an ultimately unsatisfying climax....
Even Comic Strip Characters Have Had Enough
You know that weird Gil Thorp comic strip, the one that appears to constantly be following a game that never begins or ends and always leaves you anticipating a punch line that doesn't come?...
The NFL Network's Brilliant Idea
On the list of entertaining moves by a network, The NFL Network's decision to pursue Ryan Leaf as an analyst for this year's NFL Draft is a rather brilliant one. We love this idea; bringing back old athletes to provide commentary at the site of their biggest failures/embarrassments....
The Dreary Life Of An NFL Prospect
We find the process of scouting for the NFL Draft completely creepy, just a bunch of balding white men with stopwatches, eyeing 21-year-olds in their underwear....