For the tournament, we're calling Applebee's franchises in different cities across the country immediately after the local institution has completed its game, win or lose. We'll pretend to be oblivious about what just happened in order to get a detailed game description from someone in the restaurant. At the end of every call, we'll also ask for "those boneless chickens." We'll be met with friendliness (everywhere) and good advice ("A guy basically broke his leg in half. I wouldn't watch it, if I were you."). We promise it will be a delightful practice in modern American communication and neighborliness. Today, we continue with calls from the Sweet Sixteen and the Elite Eight. Enjoy.

Caution: Spoilers. Happy fool's day, fools.

Sweet Sixteen


"And then Trey Burke of Michigan just started hitting lights out."


"Looks like we beat Miami! Yes sir!"


"¿Ustedes tienen el juego de los Canes?"


"Michigan believed, forced an overtime, and God answers all prayers, and He said yes to Michigan."


"Me and my computer tutor wanted to come in an watch the end of the Hoosiers game."


"Boneless chickens? We have boneless chicken wings."

Wichita State

"They're already boneless when they come to us."

"OK, but do you know if they're born that way?"

"Um, hang on one second."

Elite Eight


"Gary! What was the score of the game? Gary!"


"They lost by like almost 20 points, actually. It was terrible."


"Stauskas was 6-for-6 on three points. McGary had another big game."

Wichita State

"Somethin' about the Sweet 16, I dunno."


"A guy basically broke his leg in half. I wouldn't watch it, if I were you."


"Speaking of the bones there, do you guys have the boneless chickens?"

Note: We called a local Applebee's for every team, but we've selected the most entertaining reports here. More to come.

Photo via williamhartz/