The big news from today's Sun newspaper is that Ryan Giggs might yet follow David Beckham's lead by winding his career down playing in the MLS.
American readers, you will have to wait for a year, but this is great news. Not only would you be inheriting a FOOTBALL LEGEND, but he'd also only be 37 years old, meaning that there's at least another three or four years of playing top flight US soccer in the tank.
As a special treat, after the jump you'll find a short easy-to-read guide to this curious British gentlemen.
1. He Was A Child Star!
Like the US icons Macaulay Culkin, Michael Jackson, and the frightened boy who talks to ghosts in that arty Bruce Willis film, Ryan Giggs was a child star. He started playing professional football for Manchester United when he was a tiny little 17-year-old schoolboy with legs like pipe cleaners, and just the occasional beard. The year was 1991. Whitney Houston was at the top of the Billboard Charts with All the Man That I Need — a song which could have been written about Giggsy.
2. He's Welsh!
Don't be confused by his John Lennon accent, dudes. Ryan Giggs is actually from a small village just outside Britain, called Wales. Just kidding, of course — Wales is an actual country, like a cross between Hawaii and Canada. Fans of the actor Michael Douglas might be thrilled to learn that his wife, Catherine Zeta Jones (pictured), is also from Wales. If you combine the people of Wales, they're known collectively as "The Welsh", and, rather interestingly, some of these "Welsh" people speak their own language, which sounds exactly like Uncle Jesse from The Dukes of Hazzard talking under anaesthetic.
3. He Scored A Great Goal In The FA Cup
The FA Cup is kind of like the English version of the Super Bowl or the World Series, and Ryan Giggs once scored a goal that would roughly traslate as one of the greatest home runs you could possibly imagine. He then removed his top to showcase a rich display of chest hair that would make Tom Selleck growl with pride. How do you say, "frickin awesome."
4. Before Beckham Came Along, He Was Hot Stuff
You know all about David Beckham, he's the supercool soccer guy with the tattoos. He used to be friends with Tom Cruise. Plus he's married to Victoria Beckham. The same Victoria Beckham who used to have a poster of Ryan Giggs on her bedroom wall. See, back in the day, Ryan Giggs was a bit like one of those hot Jonas Brothers — albeit a fourth one who would definitely attempt to have sex with you at the end of a date. He also famously went out with a couple of sexy blondes, called Dani Behr and Davinia Taylor, who were exactly like those slutty princesses on The Hills. Sadly, he has since given up on cheap thrills and married somebody.
5. He's Like A UK Version Of Michael Jordan
When Ryan started playing professional football in the early 1990s, everyone compared him to George Best, who was like the white, Northern Irish version of Pele. Pele, in turn, was football's Michael Jordan. Hence, in some ways that might seem murky now, but won't be when you finally meet him, Ryan Giggs is exactly like Michael Jordan. For a start, he is solely affiliated with one club - if you choose to ignore Jordan's short stint with the Washington Wizards [Editor's note: We do.]. Plus, a famous English novelist called Steve Bruce once said this of the young soccer player:
"When Ryan ran, he ran like the wind."
You could say the same of Michael Jordan, only replacing the word "ran" with "jumped."
Ryan now runs more like a lovely breeze on your face.
6. He's Got A Great Personality
You wouldn't know it to hear him speak at length, but Ryan Giggs has got a thrilling personality. So great, in fact, that he was named the BBC Sports Personality of the Year in 2009. Previous winners include: David Beckham, a man who rides bicycles called Chris, and two of your guys! Lennox Lewis and Greg Rusedski. Above is a short montage video from that particular ceremony.
Any questions?
This post, written by Josh Burt, is republished with permission from The Spoiler. Go there often if you like soccer stuff.