Here's The UK's Next Prime Minister Boris Johnson Doing Sports

Boris Johnson, a disheveled, dishonest, discombobulated clod, will be the Prime Minister of the United Kingdom. He will do a bad job. He might be more capable as a sportsman, though that isn’t much consolation or compliment.

Here is Johnson in 2006, at a charity football match in Reading, England, using his signature blond mop as a battering ram to flatten the German footballer Maurizio Gaudino. Then a Conservative MP, Johnson spent the 4-2 loss “running around like a demented combine harvester,” per

Here he is sinking a hideous trick shot in 2013 in London to promote the EuroLeague. “Let me be very clear. I was saving that up. I mean, I could have done it anytime,” said Johnson, then mayor of London.

Here is Johnson keeping his eye on the ball as he tries his hand at tennis during a charity match at Queens Club in London in 2013.

His tennis game looks only slightly worse than that of America’s own beanbag with apocalyptic hair. “The whole point about this stuff is that you can be completely hopeless as sport, as indeed I am, broadly speaking, but you can enjoy it, you can get something out of it, and you can learn about defeat, which is a vital skill for everybody to learn,” Johnson said after a different tennis event in 2012.

The mayor was seen taking out a child with a unseemly challenge during a soccer match outside City Hall in 2013. “Oh shit, sorry,” said Johnson.

At least Boris harmed only himself while competing in tug-of-war at charity event in London in 2015.

Here is Boris playing rugby, flattening a 10-year-old Tokyo schoolboy while on a trade mission to Japan in 2015. Per

After both players had picked themselves up, Johnson went over to Toki and asked if he was all right, before shaking his hand. “I’m so sorry,” he told the somewhat shocked boy.

Last month, while trying to capture the role that Johnson plays in the British imagination, the “His hair is a mess. He falls into ponds. You can find yourself feeling sympathetic toward him, because of an intimation of vulnerability and a sense that he is fundamentally unserious.” Sports were one more realm where he could burnish that buffoonish persona and now every Brit, including the tots he’s mowed down on the pitch, will have to suffer the political consequences.