Sports News Without Access, Favor, Or Discretion

Hugh 1: Chris Simms Should Take Notes on Internal Organ Care

No surprises out there so far. Texas Tech has taken the pressure off their kicking game by sticking to touchdowns, rolling out 35-14 before the half and injuring only one side judge. We thought Tech might have to roll out a teenager with a genetic liver disorder to kick after the half, but calm has prevailed. Lee Corso has pandered to the local fans, ensuring him flag team tail before tomorrow's flight. Oklahoma and Florida are pounding their inferiors. Toledo showed up for kickoff as contractually obligated. However, you all have provided sufficiently disturbing comments after this here jump. (We didn't publish the one about the erection Tim Tebow gives you. We know all your IM identities, Shanoff.) The morning signs were generally disappointing, though props to Chilltown for mentioning the "Kirk Loves Lee's Babyarm" call. Sufficiently random and twisted and we can dance to it. We give it a 67. (Yes, if you give us two more, we'll give you a 69. We're getting into the college spirit already!) We didn't get the "Helen Keller is Lou Holtz's translator" sign. We mean, we get it, but it's pretty base and lazy. We expect mo... about that much out of Columbus. How about a "Anne Frank Wrote Lou's Memoirs"? You know, something more topical. Now onto your own Twitteresque memoirs: drscooter19: Pam Ward calls the "Craptacular Big Ten Game Of The Week" Illinois vs Wisconsin. She's excited she gets to say Juice over and over today. (Us, too. That's just a fun word to mangle.) I Heart Poop: The Raycom SEC football intro includes music from a 2nd rate pop-country band and an inexplicable shot of a Volvo car stereo. I guess they're just recycling their ACC intro. (Old hatreds die hard.) fraganhome: Ah, must be MSU Saturday, which is a 5-day-long festival in case of victory, and a 10-day-long drinking binge in case of defeat. (Or, as we call it, preparing to go pro in a little thing called life.) Anon: I think Larry Coker would rather be molesting the paper boy than calling this Miami-Wake Forest game. (We assume our anonymous friend meant this paper boy.) And it would be wrong to close with anyone else but... Signal to Noise: Kirk Herbstreit's blonde moppet children are straight-out Children of the Corn. That's how it's done, kids.


Share This Story