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Sports News Without Fear, Favor or Compromise

Isiah Thomas Is Not a Young Black Female: Police

Illustration for article titled Isiah Thomas Is Not a Young Black Female: Police

Good morning, campers! Rise and shine! We hope you slept well last night, 'cause if you didn't... Jesus, we hope you don't live in the New York City media market and once had a modicum of fame in the City That Occasionally Requires Additional Assistance to Sleep at Night. If so, you probably noticed the Post halfway up your rectum when you went for your morning constitutional. Turn your head and cough through this update on the latest regarding Deadspin Hall-of-Famer Isiah Thomas, with bonus quotes from the police chief, the usurper, and a professional friend. Multiple NYC papers have confirmed it was indeed The Popcorn King of Purchase, NY, that was carried from a modest bungalow (pictured by the Daily News) to the hospital for having consumed too many sleeping pills and falling unconscious. (The Times saw an oxygen mask; the Post reads from Lunestra's Web site and swears his stomach was pumped; Newsday coincidentally notes that his daughter had her own ambulance trip earlier in the day from her school for a fainting spell.) If you want some measure of the day, though, we recommend the pull quotes. Isiah and his family continue to deny... something (his son: "He doesn't take sleeping pills. He doesn't really take anything that's not organic.") and the always-anonymous Knicks official dropped a solid "bizarre" on us while the official team statement could not care less ("He is dealing with a family matter, and we will have no further comment."). However, we turn your attention now to the local police chief, David Hall, who just cannot get enough of recording devices shoved in his face (which we would assume would be a liability in a town full of rich people):

"Maybe the guy took a couple of pills, couldn't go to sleep, took a couple more, couldn't go to sleep - who knows?" "He couldn't fall asleep and took two sleeping pills. He then took two more until he took too many." “I understand that this person claims it was his daughter; he is lying,” Hall said. “It was definitely not his daughter, it was a male. We know the difference between a 47-year-old black male and a young black female.”


(Seriously, where was this guy when Eddie Murphy needed him?) And how do you feel, Heir to the Mediocre Throne, Mike D'Antoni?

“I just feel bad about it like everybody else, but I have no knowledge about it,” D’Antoni said.


We often have feelings of melancholy about nothing at all. Now run, Eddy! Which really just leave us with Isiah's only words on the matter, which prove he didn't learn a damned thing about media management in his five years on the job:

"My daughter is very down right now," Thomas said. "None of us are OK."

For all the facts we supposedly have at the moment, this is probably the only truth we can invest in this morning. Speaking of, you have a nasty cowlick. Go back to the bathroom and fix that before Hugh gets here. Isiah in Bizarre 'Sleep-Pill O.D.' - [New York Post] Isiah Thomas rushed to hospital after sleeping pill overdose - [New York Daily News] Conflicting reports on overdose at Isiah Thomas' home - [Newsday] Overdose of Pills Puts Isiah Thomas in Hospital - [NY Times]

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