NHL goalies, traditionally, are used by teams to keep the puck out of their own net. But what if they could be corrupted? What if, for example, an enterprising and devious young Washington winger could turn, hypothetically, a Vancouver goaltenderā€™s own body against him? What if a Machiavellian Capital, standing in a spot where you are unequivocally unable to score goals, circumvented all obstacles by simply lifting the puck onto the net, allowing it to bounce and then boink off the netminderā€™s back, then cruelly letting the goalie essentially score on himself by helplessly flailing at the UFO to his rear.

Before you call me crazy, check out Jakub Vranaā€™s goal on Jacob Markstrom in the Capsā€™ 3-2 victory over the Canucks on Tuesday night.

Sometimes, it takes a psychopathic mastermind to win a hockey game.